


count herself among them

by Myargalargan



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: ATLA Big Bang, ATLA Big Bang 2020, Adventure & Romance, Canon Compliant, F/M, Gen, Missing Scene, Suki-centric, although it's pretty introspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:02:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27240892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myargalargan/pseuds/Myargalargan
Summary: Kyoshi Island has stayed out of the war so far. At least, until the Avatar shows up, Suki ends up training (and, Kyoshi help her, falling for) the boy who insulted her, and the Fire Nation invades and burns down the village. Now Suki needs to figure out what to do with all these feelings -- her righteous fury, her nagging guilt, this stupid crush -- as well as what it really means to be a warrior if she's been allowing herself to stand on the sidelines of this war.Suki-centric story focusing on her journey in between the moments we get to see her in the series, exploring her growth as a leader, her relationship with the other Kyoshi Warriors, and how her feelings for Sokka develop over time and distance.Featuring some fluffy "missing scene"-type Sukka moments, warriors-who-are-girls-too teasing each other about crushes and stinky laundry, and Suki occasionally pissing off her friends while struggling to figure out the best way to help people in need.
Relationships: Kyoshi Warriors & Suki (Avatar), Sokka/Suki (Avatar)
Comments: 63
Kudos: 71
Collections: ATLA Big Bang 2020





	1. worth a thousand

**Author's Note:**

> Here's my story for the Avatar Big Bang! So first I want to say thank you to my team: Eliza ([turtleduck-vibes](https://turtleduck-vibes.tumblr.com) on Tumblr) and Ride ([rideboldlyride](https://rideboldlyride.tumblr.com) on Tumblr) for betaing, moral support, and cheerleading, and to JJ ([ArtsyAce](https://msartsyace.tumblr.com) on Tumblr) for drawing beautifully soft Sukka art to go with chapter five of this fic! 
> 
> I'd also like to thank my very own Sokka for providing both feedback and moral support for this story AND for helping me come up with names for the Kyoshi Warriors. I posted an [introduction to my Kyoshi Warrior OCs](https://the-power-of-stuff.tumblr.com/post/632984372860125184/atla-big-bang-posting-starts-this-week-and-i-am-so) on Tumblr, but briefly, they are:  
> -Ran ( _rahn_ )  
> -Mio ( _mee-oh_ )  
> -Mana ( _mah-nah_ )  
> -Kei ( _kay_ )  
> -Chie ( _chee-eh_ )
> 
> Finally, I read a bunch of stuff about historical/legendary female warriors in Japan to get in the zone for this fic, and that's where both the title of the work and the chapter titles come from. More in the end notes about that. :)

If someone had told Suki, on the day Sokka arrived, that she’d end up kissing him before he left the island, she would have elbowed that person in the gut. Even right up until the Fire Nation’s attack, she hadn’t quite made up her mind about him. Sure, there had been that grin — that self-satisfied grin he’d given her right before Oyaji had summoned them, a grin that she hated herself a little bit for finding so attractive… But she was _so_ not into cocky guys. At least, that had been true before she’d evidently started making exceptions for cocky guys who willingly dressed in women’s attire and made stupid puns about boomerangs. 

Because then he’d jumped in front of literal fire for her, after she’d gotten knocked down by that rhino tail. And look, she didn’t need guys jumping in front of _anything_ for her, but it said something about him that he was willing to do it. And maybe, unsettlingly, it said that he wasn’t as cocky as he’d at first seemed.

So when she saw the Avatar — Aang was his name, but even though “the Avatar” felt somehow too formal for a kid so young, “Aang” felt somehow too personal for a boy she barely knew — when she saw him fetching his bison, she’d grabbed Sokka’s hand and pulled him behind one of the houses for cover. She figured they were about to retreat, to lure the invaders away from the island, and she and the Kyoshi Warriors would need to draw the soldiers’ fire so Sokka and his friends could sneak away.

“Wait, where are we—” he’d started to protest, but she cut him off.

“Your friends are leaving!” she’d shouted over her shoulder. “You can get out this way!”

And then, worst of all, he’d apologized. A real apology this time. Not “I’m sorry _if_ I offended you” — which was a pathetic sort of non-apology that she’d been sure to knock him on his ass for afterwards — but more of an “I’m sorry because I _definitely_ underestimated you.” A different sort of apology altogether. 

So as it turned out, even if a guy had been cocky, if he could come to her island, get tied up with his own sash, wear lipstick, learn her culture’s traditions, fight flame-throwing bad guys who were burning down her village, and still be humble in front of her…well, apparently that was the kind of guy Suki wanted to kiss. So she had. And now his dumbstruck expression was going to be tattooed onto her brain probably forever. 

Not that she was thinking about Sokka right now, standing amongst the rubble of one of the homes that had been almost entirely razed — this one would have to be rebuilt from the ground up. At least, she’d been determinedly trying _not_ to think about him, until Ran decided that Suki needed a boy-shaped distraction while they worked.

“Look, I’m dying to know how it went. Especially since we’ve never taught an outsider before,” Ran said. She was slicing fallen beams in two with her katana, allegedly to make them easier to carry, although Suki suspected the action had more to do with the other warrior's joy of slicing things. 

Suki pursed her lips, torn between disapproval and amusement at the unnecessary drama (the beams weren't _that_ heavy). Then she sighed at herself. The problem with this line of questioning was that the little trickle of interest she felt whenever she _did_ think about Sokka only made her feelings of guilt worse. She’d gotten caught up, whiling away hours with him instead of doing her duty properly, and now more than half her village was ash. 

That first day, Suki and the other Kyoshi Warriors had salvaged everything they could from the damaged houses. For every unscathed cooking pot, wash basin, or blanket they’d found, there’d been dozens more belongings that were burnt beyond use or repair. Suki had found remnants of priceless heirlooms everywhere she’d looked: half-burnt wooden dolls; once-beautiful handmade lacquerware stained with smoke and mottled from the heat; formerly-vibrant woodblock prints in blackened tatters. The air around them had been noxious from all the smoke sitting thick and stubborn like a miasmic canopy above the trees, but it was the shame of failing to protect her village — not the acrid smog — that had a sourness rising up in Suki’s throat. 

That night, the moon hung copper behind those clouds of smoke, the silhouettes of damaged houses rising like eerie skeletons against the sky. Suki had stood outside in the bitter shadows, unable to sleep thanks to relentless images of flames and the sinister face of a boy with an angry scar. Needing to do something _…anything_ …she’d thrown her body evasively between the trees, windmilling her arms through the air to strike at invisible enemies, using tree branches to hoist herself out of imaginary harm’s way. After flipping to a more advantageous position on the ground, she’d ducked low, sliding under brush that was an opponent’s leg, then spun around to swipe her own leg out at rocks and twigs that were unguarded ankles. She hadn’t stopped until every maliciously pointed Fire Nation helmet that had breached their shores that day was brought down. 

It had been nearly sunrise when she’d snuck back into the dojo, her muscles aching. After settling onto her bedroll, Suki felt a hand brush her shoulder and turned to see one of her fellow warriors, Mana, gazing back at her through half-lidded eyes. Although sleepy, Mana’s round face still managed to be open with warmth, so much so that Suki had to look away from the intensity of the other girl’s gaze. In the silence of the dojo, she’d felt Mana reach down to find one of her hands, grasping it tightly, but when Suki finally looked back to Mana’s face, the other warrior had already fallen back asleep. After that, Suki figured she had to be more constructive with her anger. There was no sense in adding “making the other warriors worry about me” to the list of things she was feeling guilty about.

Days later, they were still neck-deep in debris. Almost every home had been burned. Those that weren’t burnt had gotten waterlogged when the fires were doused by the unagi. If the Avatar had hesitated a few moments longer, the village would be nothing but smoldering remains. And what had she done, Suki thought as she looked around the blackened insides of the house she was clearing — gotten knocked to the ground? Kicked into a pole? What did she have to show for herself, supposed protector of her homeland, but for some slight whiplash and a bruise blooming on her backside?

“Alright, spill,” Ran was saying, pulling Suki out of her reverie. “He couldn’t handle the uniform, right? Ugh, I even heard the Avatar calling it a _dress_ ,” she finished, curling her lip with contempt. 

In spite of everything, Suki laughed, remembering how unsteady Sokka had been at first. But then there were those warring sensations in her stomach again: the swoop of excitement, the thud of regret. 

Dismissively, she replied, “Oh, he got the hang of it eventually.”

“You’re being really unfair, you know.”

Suki’s head jerked up, ready to argue, but Ran was looking at her with amusement rather than resentment. She was leaning casually on the hilt of her sword, the tip of which was skewered in a neat stack of blackened roofing tiles, with her other hand fisted on her hip. The Kyoshi Warrior face paint exaggerated the severe arch of her thin eyebrow, which nearly disappeared into her headdress. 

“I mean, honestly, he was kind of a disaster,” Ran continued. “I thought for sure you’d have some dirt after the whole thing. Or…were you too busy flirting the whole time to actually train?”

It was close enough to the truth that Suki winced. Ran’s grin was wicked with satisfaction, an expression that was only heightened by the narrow sharpness of her face.

“I _thought_ you’d caved pretty easily on the whole ‘not-teaching-boys’ thing.” 

“Ooh, are we talking about Suki’s new boyfriend?” came a familiar voice from just outside the house.

“C’mon…you guys, I only knew him for, like, a day. Mio,” Suki turned, addressing the other Kyoshi Warrior whose head was suddenly poking around the doorway. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Yeah, Mio,” Ran corrected as Mio sprung into the room. “The way Suki was whipping him into shape, ‘manservant’ might be a more appropriate term.”

“Girls,” Suki interrupted as Ran and Mio snickered, “is now really the time for this?”

“Oh, so there’s a ‘this’?” Mio prodded, winking at Ran. 

“I mean, he was a jerk,” Ran said, “but he was cute. You’re telling us you spent all day with him, alone, in close combat training, showing him _forms_ , and what, not so much as a kiss?” 

So now, of course, Suki was thinking about that goodbye — the kiss on his cheek, the look of shock on his face that was now seared into her mind’s eye. He _had_ been a jerk, at first. Spending the day with him, she’d realized he was actually funny, and sweet. And yeah, maybe a bit insecure, too. But behind the machismo had been a sincerity that kept showing through, like a puppy clamoring for affection. He’d genuinely wanted to learn, and do well. And despite how things had started between them, he’d been completely respectful towards her throughout their whole lesson. And it didn’t hurt that Ran was right — he _was_ really cute. Her traitorous face began to heat and she knew she was blushing. 

“No!” Mio gasped, throwing a hand over her mouth as she pointed at Suki’s face.

“Really?” Ran cackled delightedly.

“It was barely anything—”

“Kei! Mana!” Mio called out the front of the house at two passing Kyoshi Warriors. “Suki made out with that boy! What was his name?” she asked, turning back to Suki briefly. “Sohka?”

“Sokka,” Suki corrected before she could think better of it. _Don’t encourage them._

Mio turned and ran out of the house in the direction of the other girls, shouting joyfully, “Suki made out with Sokka!”

Suki turned back to Ran with a rueful grimace. 

“I didn’t make out with him.”

“Too bad,” Ran shrugged, one corner of her mouth tipped up. “I would’ve.”

* * *

The village hadn’t looked so festive since the Avatar had been there. In fact, it looked even _more_ festive now. Not only was the statue of Avatar Kyoshi repaired and freshly repainted and all the homes rebuilt even sturdier than they’d been before the fires, but colorful lanterns now hung from the awnings of the buildings lining the main square, and children were running throughout the village with handmade flags and streamers trailing in their wake. Oyaji had called for a celebration to honor the resilience of the village and its people, and now the whole town was preparing for a massive fish roast.

Suki had _tried_ to help, really she had, but every time she’d offered, she’d gotten shepherded somewhere else until there wasn’t anyone left to assist. Hiro the fisherman didn’t need help unloading the net, but could she lend a hand setting up the fire pit with his buddy Taka? Well, Taka had plenty of help from Choko and Goten, but maybe Goten’s sons Yuta and Nobu needed extra hands for cleaning fish. No, no, Yuta said, they were fine, but she should offer to bring the platters and utensils out for Emi. As it turned out, Emi had enlisted Koko and the other children already, but perhaps— 

After her fifth round trip between the pier and the village center, she’d given up. Even Ran’s grandmother — whom they all affectionately called Obahan, and who had no one else besides Ran, and by extension the other warriors, to help her get ready for the party — had ushered them out of her house, telling them to stop working so hard and enjoy the festivities. All she wanted in the world, by her own proclamation, was for the girls to try the wine she’d made herself from her very own plum tree. So even though the festivities hadn’t officially started, the girls made their way out to the main square of the village, indulging in a rare moment of quiet while they watched two women — who’d also refused their support — light lanterns down the line of houses. And even though Suki thought plum wine was way too sweet, she wasn’t about to insult Obahan by turning down her request. Taking a couple sips, she leaned back to enjoy the way the candlelight from the lanterns glowed against the periwinkle shadows of twilight. 

“It’s just so thick,” she heard Mio saying, her tone exasperated, “and every time I turn around or spin, it flips around and hits me in the face.” She illustrated this by flinging her hands around her head.

“Honestly, you should put it up,” Kei suggested. “It’s the only way to keep it out of your face and eyes. Tying it back isn’t enough.”

Oh, they were talking about _hair_. One of the many reasons Suki kept hers short: so she didn’t have to worry about it getting in the way during combat. Plus, she hated maintaining it when it was long.

“I put wax in mine to keep it controlled,” Mana offered. 

“Same,” said Ran. “And you’ll need it, too. With hair as long as yours, pins won’t be enough to keep it secure.”

Between the wine and the lighting and the utterly normal conversation about hairstyles, Suki was feeling pretty mellow. But an undercurrent of restlessness still ran through her, as it had since the day of the attack — a persistent itch underneath her skin, like she could feel the movement of the blood in her veins. She’d assumed the feeling would fade once everyone had their homes back. After all, weeks had passed since the attack, and the village was…fine. Good as new, really. But even on a night dedicated to celebrating the town’s revival, Suki couldn’t fully escape it. 

“I don’t know, that sounds like so much trouble…” Mio was saying. “Maybe I should just chop it all off like Suki’s.”

“No, don’t!” Mana sounded stricken. “Your hair is so lovely long! I’ll try a couple styles on you tonight, you won’t want to cut your hair after you see how they look on you.”

Suki took another sip of wine — so small it barely wet her lips, but still so cloying it made her shiver — and looked at the other warriors. Mana was twisting Mio’s thick hair into a loose bun and holding it at different heights against the back of the other girl’s head, scrunching her mouth as she considered the effect of each position. Kei was holding her own hair up by way of demonstration, but Ran was waving a hand in Kei’s direction, disagreeing with whatever the other warrior was saying, while Chie seemed to be extolling the strengths and weaknesses of the other girls’ suggestions.

For possibly the millionth time in the past several weeks, Suki thought of her goodbye with Sokka on the day of the fire. But instead of the kiss (which she thought about _a lot_ ) or his blush (which, quite honestly, kept her up at night sometimes), she recalled her insistence that she was both a warrior and a girl. It was true for them all, of course. As she watched them — girls fussing over each other’s hair to find the best way to keep it out of the way during a fight without sacrificing its beauty — Suki’s chest warmed. And it had nothing to do with the alcohol (if there even _was_ alcohol in this plum juice). 

The girls’ voices faded to a murmur as she looked up at the sky, recalling the other events of that day. How she’d stood, dripping wet from the spray of the unagi, watching Appa fly away with a pang in her chest she couldn’t identify. How, until the Fire Nation had shown up, she’d joyfully sparred with Sokka, excited about it in a way she hadn’t been able to admit to the other girls. It had flared up within her in moments when she’d noticed the subtle differences between his body and what she was used to with her typical sparring partners: how the grip of his hand engulfed her entire arm, the broadness of his shoulders when she’d restrained him from behind. At one point, she’d been showing him some principles for escaping from holds and had her arms looped under his armpits, her hands clasped behind his head. His triceps flexed against her forearms, and the resulting tug in her belly surprised and embarrassed her.

“So,” she said, hoping the teasing tone would cover up any awkwardness, “are you really the best warrior in your village?”

Just like he’d been taught, Sokka grabbed the fingers of one of her hands to release their grip, pulled that hand down and into a wrist lock, and twisted until he was behind her, hand pinned between her shoulder blades.

“I’m the…only warrior in my village.” 

“Oh.” She’d known what that meant. The vulnerability in his voice had left her cut wide open. “And you left them?”

He’d dropped her hand, and she’d turned towards him, expecting him to look hurt or insulted. Instead, his face had been set, his eyes bright against the white face paint and his red mouth firm, and with a determination that had something zinging in her bones, he’d said, “I had to.”

A group of men walked by with platters of freshly-cleaned fish, and their deep laughter pulled Suki back to the present. She could hear the delighted shrieks of the kids who were running around elsewhere in the village, probably playing by the stream, and the lively chatter of a group of women who were carrying baskets of fresh produce down to the shore. For weeks after the attack, the only sounds in the village had been the bang of hammers, the sawing of wood, and the call of villagers shouting instructions to one another. It struck Suki suddenly that the air didn’t smell like smoke anymore. It must’ve been like that for days, and she hadn’t noticed.

“Girls,” Suki said, cutting off their hair debate.

“No offense, Suki, but you’re not exactly qualified to give hair style advice,” Mio said, waving her hand dismissively in Suki’s direction while assuming a look of exaggerated haughtiness.

“Har har,” Suki replied sarcastically. “Actually, I wanted to say that we should leave the island.”

Suki didn’t know exactly what she’d expected to hear after making such a proclamation (raucous and unconditional approval?), but it certainly wasn’t complete silence. Not that she’d given the announcement a great deal of thought beforehand… It had felt right in the moment, so she’d just…said it. 

The others all turned to stare at her, and then it was like they’d all been frozen in time. Mana’s eyes were as wide as Ran’s were narrow. Mio had her head cocked to one side, as if unsure she’d heard correctly, and Kei had stopped in the middle of readjusting her own hair, one hand floating inches above her head. Chie had both eyebrows raised, ridiculously reminding Suki of the time the other warrior learned that platypus bears lay eggs as a physiological stress response. Then, breaking the spell of their tableau, Ran folded her arms across her chest.

“Been hitting that plum wine, have you?” she quipped, one brow quirked in a sardonic arch.

“No, I—” Suki looked down at her hand, at the cup of dark liquid clutched in her fist, and laughed a little. “I mean, yes, but only, like, three sips.”

“Suki, you’re serious?” Mana asked, her arms falling limply to her sides, which sent Mio’s hair tumbling free. Her face was crumpled now as she looked around, first at the other warriors, then at the homes that surrounded them. “What about our village? Our people?”

Suki followed Mana’s gaze. Paper cutouts of fans hung like petals from some of the lanterns, drifting lazily in the breeze. One of the buildings, a modest storefront that had remained empty for days even after the structure had been rebuilt, now had on display several wooden dolls in traditional Avatar Kyoshi garb, ceramic pots and bowls painted with golden koi fish, and other small talismans honoring the culture of the island. The shop owner waved cheerfully as a group of kids walked past with instruments strapped to their backs. Whatever Mana saw when she looked around, Suki saw a village that was resilient, and people who would get along just fine without them.

“Girls, listen,” Suki said, turning to face the others again. “We’ve been training for this practically our whole lives.”

“Training to defend _Kyoshi_. We’re the _Kyoshi_ Warriors.” 

“We’re the _Kyoshi_ Warriors,” Suki argued, “to honor the bravery and spirit of Avatar Kyoshi. What do you think she would do in this situation?”

“Surely not stay in her homeland to protect her people. It’s not like she created an entire island for exactly that purpose or anything,” Ran shot back wryly.

Suki pinched her lips and threw an unimpressed glance in Ran’s direction, positive the other warrior was being contrarian for its own sake.  
“Protect them from what?” she demanded, sweeping her arm out to indicate the village at large and the general merriment all around them. “And besides, if we leave, and join the war effort…well, that protects our people, too.” 

“And this has nothing to do with a certain Water Tribe boy who flew off into the sunset weeks ago and who you’ve been pining for ever since?” Ran challenged. She glanced at Mio with a smirk, but Mio didn’t appear to be in on the joke, instead standing stiff and stoic, a frown pulling down the corners of her usually-upturned mouth. Her arms were clamped down at her sides, her fists clenched tight, her gaze trained on something in the distance. 

“Oh, please,” Suki scoffed. “I haven’t been pining.” So what if she occasionally thought about how exciting it must be to travel the world with the Avatar? Or about how brave Sokka was for venturing so far away from home to support the Avatar’s mission? She was _not_ a piner. “And that’s beside the point. This is about doing what’s right.” 

Even though the idea had come to her somewhat spontaneously, she hadn’t expected nearly so much opposition. What was there to think about? The whole world had united against a common enemy. What were they supposed to do? Just sit on the sidelines and watch? 

“What if they come back?” Mana asked. She worried the first knuckle of one hand between the thumb and forefinger of the other. “What if they come back to finish the job?”

Ran looked over at Mana, her previously-teasing grin morphing into something more bitter. “If they cared enough, they probably would’ve just done it while they were here.”

It was blunt, but Suki had drawn the same conclusion. 

“Or, perhaps now that they’re aware of us, we’re more likely to be targeted for some future takeover,” Kei offered from where she was now leaning against a post. Her tone was as affable as her posture. If the Kyoshi Warrior uniform had pockets, Suki imagined Kei’s thumbs would be hooked inside them.

“I don’t think so.” Suki shook her head. “Honestly, after what happened when they were here? They probably think we’re done for, anyway.”

As much as it pained her to admit, she was sure the Fire Nation didn’t consider anyone from Kyoshi Island a threat. But this only made her blood, and her desire to leave, pound harder. That itch under her skin had become a steady, thrumming beat. 

“I think you’re right, Suki,” Chie spoke up. There was something regal in the way she always held her chin that lent authority to her words. “Kyoshi Island hasn’t been directly involved in any conflict for the duration of the war. The only reason the Fire Nation was here to begin with was because they were looking for the Avatar. We’re not strategically located or particularly well-resourced. The land itself protects its people.” Chie glanced at Ran as she made reference to Ran’s earlier statement about the creation of the island, and Ran shrugged in concession. 

“If you’re not worried,” Ran said, tipping her head towards Suki, “and _you’re_ not worried,” she added, pointing a thumb at Chie, “then what could I have to worry about? I wouldn’t mind putting these hard-earned skills to good use.”

“In a funny way, the attack proved that the village is safe from harm now. As long as the Avatar doesn’t visit again.” Kei smiled softly at Suki, and Suki smiled back.

Mio finally turned back to the rest of the group, tearing her eyes away from wherever she’d been gazing for the past several moments. Her shoulders had lowered away from her ears, but only just. 

“If we do this…” she began seriously. Then the tension in her body evaporated instantly, and her face broke into a wide, overbright smile as she continued, “then we have to go all out. Scary stories and roasting mushrooms by the campfire, the whole deal.”

Winning Mio over gave Suki such a jolt of rightness, like the _shing_ of her fan opening and locking into place, that she didn’t even question the other warrior’s abrupt transformation. 

“What would we do? Where would we go?” Mana asked, and Suki was pleased to hear her refer to the whole group. She reached out to grab Mana’s hand, and the group condensed, jasmine vines curling in on themselves, until they were all leaning on or touching each other in some way: Ran’s arm around Mio’s waist, Kei’s hand on Chie’s shoulder, Mio’s forehead on the side of Kei’s head. 

“I think we should head northeast towards Ba Sing Se. Once we get there, we can offer our services and see where we’re needed most.”

“We’re with you, Suki,” Kei said.

“Yeah, lead the way,” Ran agreed.

Finally, Mana smiled.

“Okay. Let’s change the world.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fic title "count herself among them" comes from the death poem of warrior Nakano Takeko. The more literal translation of the poem reads:
> 
> "When compared to the ranks  
> of warriors’ stalwart hearts;  
> I cannot enter into their number,  
> despite this body of mine."
> 
> But more casually, it can be translated as:
> 
> "Of all the famous warriors, I would not dare to count myself among them . . . even though I share the same brave heart."
> 
> Credit to the translation goes to this post by @sparrowdreams on Tumblr.
> 
> The chapter title "worth a thousand" comes from a passage about warrior Tomoe Gozen from the Japanese epic The Tale Of Heike. The line reads:
> 
> "Tomoe was especially beautiful, with white skin, long hair, and charming features. She was also a remarkably strong archer, and as a swordswoman she was a warrior worth a thousand, ready to confront a demon or a god, mounted or on foot." (source: Wikipedia)
> 
> And! Full disclosure, the image of Suki standing in the middle of the village drenched in unagi water while she watched Appa fly away was inspired by (*cough*stolen from*cough*) this story Giancarlo Volpe told on one of the Avatar Watch Party Streams that Dante Basco hosts, about how, as director of The Warriors of Kyoshi, he'd originally wanted to cut to a scene at the end of the episode of Suki looking longingly after the Gaang but had been too nervous to suggest it. (So, thanks, Giancarlo! ;) lol)


	2. a full moon forever

“Augh!” Ran threw her pack to the ground as if she were shoving away an attacker and then perched her fisted hands on her hips. “When was the last time we did laundry?”

Kei slid a dubious glance to her own pack and, after silently counting on her fingers, answered, “Too long ago?” 

“You ladies are so gross,” Suki teased, and was immediately rewarded with a rank undershirt tossed into her face. She bit her lips and raised her eyebrows at Ran. “You should probably just burn this.”

“Oh, and I suppose your pit sweat smells like plum blossoms?” Ran shot back, unceremoniously dumping the contents of her entire pack into the dirt. 

After several weeks of travel, they were still getting used to the rhythms of life on the road. Although sometimes, in the silent darkness of midnight, a pesky thought would wriggle its way to the forefront of Suki’s mind, nagging at her like the rocks that dug into her back while she was sleeping. It insisted that actually, _she_ was the one getting used to the rhythms, and the rest of the girls were just doing what they always did: looking to her for guidance. Whenever that happened, though, she would adjust her position, flipping around until she was comfortable. Sure, there was the occasional mishap, like how there’d been a near-mutiny on the first day after they’d left Kyoshi Island because Suki had neglected to factor a bathroom break into their itinerary. But after that, Chie had been put in charge of bio breaks, and now they could all laugh about it!

“Okay, I’m sorry, girls,” she said. “I know we’ve been pushing forward really hard trying to get to Ba Sing Se as quickly as possible.”

Their days consisted mostly of walking until somebody complained loudly enough about their feet or their empty stomach, at which point they would stop and set up camp for the night. 

“ _‘We’_?” Ran repeated incredulously.

“Okay, _I’ve_ been pushing really hard.” Honestly, she didn’t think she was pushing them any harder than she did during training. But at least after a day of training, they could all go home, take baths, and sleep in their own beds. Come to think of it, when was the last time they’d stopped long enough to bathe…? “Alright, listen, let’s rest here a couple of nights so we have enough time to do the wash.”

“Ah, yes, exactly my idea of rest,” Mio said, melodramatically wistful. 

Suki just shrugged and went to empty her own bag. 

“Hey, doing your laundry is optional. Anyone who wants to smell like a dirty hog monkey in favor of putting your feet up for a day, that’s your choice.”

Mio stuck her tongue out, but she dragged her pack over to the river all the same. 

They were all lined up at the river’s edge, scrubbing — or in some cases, violently pounding — their clothing against the stones, when Suki noticed a hole in one of the seams of her uniform. They’d gotten into a brief scuffle the other day, defending a roadside merchant against a couple of ruffians; evidently she’d come away from it with more than just the merchant’s gratitude and the handful of radishes he’d given them as thanks. 

“Shoot…” she muttered, poking curiously at the tear. She’d have to take care of it soon, otherwise the whole sleeve might fall off, and she was down one of her spares. When Sokka had left Kyoshi Island, he’d still been dressed in the one she’d lent him, and she figured the chances of getting that back were pretty slim, even if she did ever manage to see him again. Ugh, and there was that swoop, that unbalancing little tilt in her gut whenever she thought about him. 

Sometimes she felt silly for thinking about him still. The mere suggestion that she could be longing for him was enough to make her want to throw something. After all, they barely knew each other, and he probably wasn’t even thinking of her the same way. Boys tended not to like girls who hog tied them and threw them around to demonstrate their superior girl power (even if those boys blushed after said girls kissed them on the cheek). 

But other times, she would tell herself that the first boy to wear the Kyoshi Warrior uniform — probably ever in history — was bound to leave an impression. And besides, it didn’t _feel_ like longing. It felt like possibility. She was a warrior of the world now, just like he was. What if they crossed paths while they were out on their respective missions? Would he recognize her? Or would it be too hard, after so long, to tell her apart from the other girls? 

Occasionally — not that it was ever her intention, it just happened, entirely against her will — occasionally she would imagine running into him again. How maybe the girls would be setting up camp and getting ready for the night, and the Avatar’s crew would come up the coast and be intrigued by the very same resting spot, situated as it was so close to water and other natural resources. And maybe she would be out of uniform, since they’d be winding down for the evening, and Sokka would see her and the other girls and think they were just travelers. And maybe, just maybe, he’d think, _“Wow, that girl is really pretty,”_ without realizing it was her. And then she’d do a hip throw on him to jog his memory, and tease him about watching his stance. Or…she could give him another kiss on the cheek.

“Suki?”

The female voice cut through her daydream, and Suki looked up to find every one of the other warriors watching her with varying expressions of amusement. 

“Yes?” Suki asked, feigning ignorance.

“Where did you go?” Mana asked.

“You’ve been completely frozen and staring at nothing for the past minute,” Kei added, snapping her fingers in front of Suki’s face.

Suki shook her head and batted Kei’s hand away. 

“I didn’t go anywhere, I was just…meditating.”

“Meditating…” Ran said doubtfully, shooting Mio a look.

“Kyoshi Boy,” Mio replied with conviction.

Ran nodded once before repeating, “Kyoshi Boy,” herself, by way of confirmation.

Suki rolled her eyes. Kyoshi Boy was what the girls had taken to calling Sokka. She didn’t _think_ she thought about Sokka as much as the other girls believed she did. But he was persistent, she had to admit. He’d proven as much when he’d come back to the dojo asking to be taught, even after she’d humiliated him in front of all the other warriors. He’d proven it by working so diligently to master the traditional Kyoshi fighting style. And he continued to prove it now, by insisting that he show up in her daydreams unbidden.

“Must be the uniform again. She’s got that dreamy look in her eyes,” Mio said, dragging the word “dreamy” across several syllables while she waggled her fingers. Then she gazed off into the distance, mouth and eyes droopy as she pulled a mockingly heartsick expression, and Suki shoved her in the shoulder. 

And okay, maybe Sokka in the Kyoshi Warrior uniform was a frequent occurrence in Suki’s daydreams, but to be fair, that was how they’d spent most of their time together. 

Even though she hadn’t been thinking of him in the uniform this time, rather than protest that fact, she answered with an indignant, “I don’t have a dreamy look!” which only earned her a triumphant “Aha!” from the other girls.

“So you don’t deny it!”

And now she was remembering how Sokka had looked dressed in the warrior’s garb, how every expression he’d made was highlighted or exaggerated by the face paint, how intense his eyes had looked, how his lips had been so…apparent. She thought of how powerful he’d looked in the armor, in contrast to his casual blue tunic…

“Dammit,” she muttered, and Mio practically exploded with laughter. “Look!” Suki cried defensively. “It’s not my fault the uniform managed to make him look really pretty and really handsome at the same time.”

“I still don’t get it,” Mana said, shaking her head, and Suki kind of wanted to pat her cheek. “How does a guy look pretty _and_ handsome in the uniform?”

“I imagine the face paint and armor would have the same effect on a man as it does on us. After all, Kyoshi herself wore the ensemble to be intimidating,” offered Chie.

“Are you calling us handsome, Chie?” Ran asked.

“I don’t see why not.”

“Okay, my handsome warriors,” Suki called, desperate to get the attention off herself. “Who’s cooking dinner tonight?” 

“Uh, Suki…” Kei said from where she was digging in their bag of provisions. “There’s…no more food left.”

Suki only realized how thick the veneer of her fantasy had been once she felt it shatter around her. She _was_ being silly. Thinking about boys and kissing when she needed to be thinking about food and clean clothing and their _mission_ , for Kyoshi’s sake. If Sokka _did_ come across their camp, he wouldn’t find a gorgeous and capable young woman, he would find a girl who had no idea what she was doing. More important than that, though, was the other warriors were probably thinking the same thing. 

When Suki looked around, she found all eyes on her again, only the shades of amusement on everyone’s faces had paled. The girls regarded her silently but expectantly, and something inside of Suki hardened, like steel lining her limbs. They were camping next to a river, and she had grown up in a fishing village — she could handle this. 

“Ran, Chie, use whatever materials you can find and make us a net. Mana and Mio, head into the woods and see if you can scrounge up any berries or mushrooms. Kei and I will look for sticks we can use as spears, and then Ran and Chie, when you’re finished with the net, join us at the river.”

As they dispersed, Suki thought back to one of the conversations she’d had with Sokka the day of the attack, when they’d taken a break from training to refuel and Sokka had become extremely enthusiastic over a discussion of regional cuisine.

“The fish here is great,” he’d proclaimed around a mouthful of food. “You ever have it pickled?”

Suki had wrinkled her nose at the idea. “That…does not sound good.” 

“Don’t knock it ‘til you try it,” he’d said with a shrug, and Suki had gotten the impression he would try eating anything at least once.

“Now, pickled _vegetables_ I like. I prefer my fish fresh, but salted and dried sometimes is good, too.”

“Oh, that’s the best!” His eyes brightened, and Suki felt one of her many conflicted tugs, right in the middle of her chest, as she admitted to herself that he was actually pretty adorable. “Have you ever had seal jerky?” 

“Hm, not a lot of seals in these waters…” she pointed out, amused.

“Oh, huh, I guess not. That’s too bad. Even though it’s dried, seal jerky is so tender.” He’d grown practically teary-eyed at the mere mention of it, and she’d wanted to laugh at the sheer earnestness he could feel over a piece of dried-out meat. “I even figured out a way to prepare it faster than sun drying, or even drying it over a fire. It really… _seals_ in the flavor. Heh. Get it?”

Suki shook her head a bit at the memory, but if she, Ran, Kei, and Chie managed to catch enough fish, she’d be able to try Sokka’s smoke-drying technique, set them up with provisions for days so they wouldn’t risk running out of food again so quickly. By the time she and Kei were sharpening their sticks, Suki felt much better. Gone was the Suki of moments ago who’d been on the verge of leading her girls to ruin. Here was decisive Suki, proactive Suki, everything-will-be-fixed-by-the-end-of-the-day Suki. 

“So…” Kei asked, looking at Suki out of the corner of her eyes as she felt the tip of her makeshift spear, “have you ever fished like this before?”

Suki felt her eyebrows shoot up and her eyes narrow at Kei’s skeptical tone. The flat line of the other warrior’s mouth taunted her, threatening her elevated mood.

“No, but how hard could it be?” It couldn’t be that different from practicing sword fighting — identify target, aim, strike. 

“Let’s just hope the other girls find a lot of berries,” Kei replied. She’d said it good-naturedly, that sort of half-smile on her face that she usually had when she was trying to soften the truth, but it made Suki bristle anyway. 

“Just say what you mean, Kei.” She heard her own voice come out like a whip crack, but she couldn’t help it. There was this spot in the middle of her back that seared like the friction from a rope burn whenever she held her shoulders too tensely, and right now it was red hot. She’d been concerned before that the other girls were starting to doubt her. To hear it out loud, though… 

“Suki.” Kei’s voice, on the other hand, was her cool-river voice. The voice she used whenever they opened up the dojo to the little girls in the village. The knot of rope in the middle of Suki’s back pulled tighter. “I’m not taking a shot at you. My dad tried to teach me how to spearfish before he…well, anyway, it’s harder than it looks. Maybe one of the other girls knows—”

“I’m sure I’ll figure it out,” Suki deflected, getting to her feet quickly. Kei stood up, as well, and Suki clenched her fist tightly around her spear, holding it across her body.

“Suki,” Kei tried again, sighing, “You don’t have to—” 

But Suki interrupted her again. She _did_ have to. Whatever Kei was going to assure her about, it didn’t matter. She _did_ have to, because she’d dragged them all out here, and she was responsible for them. 

“Let’s go find the others.”

Before Kei could respond, Suki marched over to the river. If she had to stand in the water all night, she was going to get them enough fish to last a week.

* * *

“Okay, would you rather…” Suki trailed off, tapping her chin while she considered her question carefully, “…lick the inside of a shoe or the face of the unagi?”

“Blech, Suki, that’s so gross,” Mio replied with a grimace. “ _Obviously_ I’d lick the shoe. Kidding, kidding!” she laughed while the others made retching sounds around her. “Give me the unagi, I’m no coward.”

Suki nodded in satisfaction, and Mio turned to the next victim.

“Kei, would you rather…live in a Fire Nation colony or in the bottom of an old, dirty outhouse?”

“Mio, that’s _so_ much grosser than mine was!” Suki protested on Kei’s behalf. Mio shrugged one shoulder and threw Suki a careless smirk, shaking back her hair. 

“That’s the name of the game! Kei, pick your poison.”

They were gathered around the campfire, filthy and exhausted after a long day of traveling, and Mio had convinced everyone — well, almost everyone — to play this awful game while they waited for dinner. And just in time, too, because after the day they’d all had, they’d been very close to a bickering match before Mio’s intervention. 

“As preferable as an outhouse would be to living under Fire Nation rule, I’ll have to choose Fire Nation colony,” Kei answered shrewdly. “There wouldn’t be enough room for my little brothers in the outhouse.”

Suki thought she saw something — sadness? regret? — flicker in Kei’s eyes, but it was gone as soon as she spoke again, and Suki let it pass. 

“Okay, Ran. Would you rather give up your fans or your katana?”

“I’m busy,” was Ran’s curt answer. She was huddled close to the cooking pot, having, with some argument, taken on dinner duty. It was her turn to cook, fair and square, Suki thought, and it didn’t make sense for her to be so sullen about it. 

“Oh, c’mon,” Mio wheedled, leaning over with her hand stretched out in Ran’s direction, gearing up to poke or nudge the other girl. “It’s just for fun—”

“I’m _busy_!”

Kei frowned and glanced at Suki, but Suki just pursed her lips and shook her head. Ran had been in a lousy mood all day and, frankly, Suki was a little sick of it. She was no worse off than the rest of them: they’d _all_ gotten soaked trudging through the swamp, they’d _all_ overextended themselves trying to make it through in one trip. But everyone else was laughing together now and having fun, and if Ran didn’t want any part of it, well, that was her own fault. 

“C’mon, Kei, let’s keep going,” Mio announced, looking sour that Ran had snapped at her and no more inclined than Suki was to cater to Ran’s tantrum. She narrowed her eyes briefly before righting her posture, then plastered a smile on her face. “Chie should go next, she hasn’t done one yet.” 

“Okay, um,” Kei hesitated with one last look at Ran. “Chie. Same question.”

After Chie’s answer — she’d give up the katanas, of course, because the fans were iconic to the Kyoshi Warriors and there was no evidence that Kyoshi herself had used a katana, so giving that up was both historically and traditionally less significant — the questions continued around the circle, excluding Ran, until dinner was ready. But when the group gathered around to start eating, it was with an air of unease, as Ran continued to sulk by the cooking pot.

“Ran,” Mio broke the silence. “This is terrible.” She said it with the dramatic twist in her face that usually meant she was teasing, but Suki wondered if Mio wasn’t still feeling stung by Ran’s earlier behavior.

“Mio, that’s an awful thing to say!” Mana scolded.

Nobody denied it, though; the food did taste off. It wasn’t _terrible_ like Mio had insisted, but Suki thought there was something a little rancid about it. If Mio had been trying to make light of what everyone was thinking in an attempt to break the tension, then judging by Ran’s bared teeth, the attempt was about to backfire. Something slithered around uncomfortably in Suki’s stomach that had nothing to do with Ran’s cooking. 

“Well, I’m sorry,” Ran shot back, not sounding the least bit apologetic. “Thanks to Suki’s stellar guidance, all of our supplies got soaked in swamp water, so, y’know, I did the best I could. Given the circumstances.”

Suki drew up her shoulders. It sounded like they weren’t going to avoid the bickering match after all.

“Ran!” Mana interjected. “Could we all please stop attacking each other?”

“No,” Suki said, putting down her bowl and then flipping her palms skyward. “Go on. Let it out.”

“You already know full well how I feel, don’t pretend like this is new. You know I wanted to turn back and find another path. _Everyone_ thought we should’ve turned back, but you just ignored all of us! Even Chie who, let’s be honest, is doing way better at planning stuff than you are.”

The something that was slithering in Suki’s stomach grew barbs. 

“I don’t think it’s beneficial at this point to bring up this argument again, Ran,” Chie said. “What’s done is done. We’re safely through the swamp and ultimately suffered no harm.”

“That’s not the point!” Ran argued. “It’s the principle.”

“I wasn’t ignoring you!” Suki insisted. 

And she hadn’t been. She’d listened to everyone, she’d just decided they were wrong. They’d hit a roadblock earlier that day: a massive wall, most likely belonging to a heavily-fortified military base, cutting off the coastal route they’d been taking. Beyond that wall rose the jagged peaks of a small mountain range. It didn’t matter that it appeared to be an Earth Kingdom base; that still didn’t mean they’d be able to traipse through unexpected and unannounced. So Suki had told the group to head east. They would cut through the swamp to get around. Not everyone had agreed with her, but they didn’t _have_ to agree with her. She was the leader! They were just supposed to…do what she said.

“Could’ve fooled me,” Ran sulked. 

“Chie’s right, Ran,” Kei offered. She was graciously continuing to sip at her bowl. “What’s done is done, there’s no point in continuing to argue.”

“But you agree with me, don’t you?” The way Ran said it, it didn’t sound like a question. “You agreed with me then, and you agree with me now. She needs to listen to us.”

“I _did_ listen! But turning back would have meant wasting all of our food—”

“We would have gotten more—”

“And we would have lost at least a week’s worth of progress—”

“Oh, because we’ve made so much ‘progress’ in the war effort already—”

“I’m not having this argument again.” Her voice was doing that whip-snap thing again. “We’re all just tired and hungry, and we’ll feel better once we’ve eaten.”

“Okay, sure, go back to not listening to us, like always.” Ran pointedly slammed her bowl into the ground. “You don’t get to order us around all the time, Suki, we’re a team!”

“I’m still the leader, and sometimes leaders have to make decisions for the group.”

“Hey, everyone, look—” 

Suki could vaguely hear Mana’s voice, but it wasn’t registering.

“Oh, so this is an autocracy now? Suki is the divine ruler of the Kyoshi Warriors, and the rest of us get no say?”

“Kei, Mio, Chie, look!” 

“No, of course not, but I’m responsible for all of you, and sometimes I need to do what’s best for all of us, even if you don’t like it!”

“Suki! Stop it! Look!”

Mana’s voice cut through, then, and that’s when Suki saw it. The moon had turned a hellish, searing red, bathing everything around them in a sanguine glow. A surge of panic rose up in her throat; at first she thought it was more fire, just like on Kyoshi, the way the smoke had created a dense screen that tinted the sky for days. But even though Suki smelled burning, briefly transporting her back to the attack on the island, she realized eventually that the smoke scent was probably just their campfire — her lungs weren’t clogged and raw the way they’d been on Kyoshi, and there was no roar of flames consuming everything in their path. But if it wasn’t a huge fire turning the moon red, then what was?

“Is it…is it an eclipse?” Mana asked.

“I don’t believe so,” Chie said. “This is quite an unnatural color for something like an eclipse.”

“You don’t think it could be…” Mana started, and then trailed off, as if too apprehensive to voice what she was thinking. One fist was kneading her chest just below her collarbone.

“What?” Suki pressed her. 

“Well…what if…the moon spirit’s in trouble?”

“Yes.” Chie nodded once, decisively. “Yes, that must be it.” 

She sounded confident and somehow mollified. As long as there was a reasonable explanation for something, Chie would be satisfied. But if this was a problem with the spirits, then it was a problem for the Avatar, which meant Aang, Katara, and Sokka could be in trouble. Having an answer — having _this_ answer — managed to make Suki feel even worse. 

“Maybe we should make an offering,” Mana suggested. 

What they could possibly have on hand that would be a suitable offering for a spirit, Suki had no idea, but she sure understood the impulse. 

“An offering of what, stinky swamp jerky? Dirty underwear?” Ran’s snide tone was like a spur in the other warrior’s side, driving Mana to jump towards her bag and begin rummaging through.

“I don’t know!” Suki could barely discern everyone’s faces, washed out as they were in the saturating red glare, but Mana’s expression was so painfully desperate — eyes wide, brow furrowed, mouth like a theater mask frown — it was impossible not to see it. The other warrior’s frantic movements as she shoveled all of her belongings onto the ground reminded Suki of a skittering meadow vole. “I don’t know. It was just an idea.”

Apparently unhappy with whatever she’d found in her own bag, Mana moved towards the rucksack with their food stores, scrabbling her way through the pile of items in front of her. 

“Mana,” Chie said, hands folded in her lap. “It’s unlikely an offering will do any good. Surely, if this is a matter to do with the spirits, then the Avatar is better equipped to deal with the situation than we are.”

“Well, it couldn’t _hurt_.” 

Before Mana could begin searching the food bag, though, the sky went suddenly and completely dark, as if the moon had just…vanished. Suki heard gasping, but between the near pitch black of the moon going out and the burning imprint on her eyes from the sky’s prior redness, she couldn’t tell who it was. Then the campsite erupted into unintelligible commotion, the warriors all shuffling around and talking over each other. Suki jumped to her feet and unsheathed her fans, but with the darkness and the cacophony, she couldn’t ground herself, couldn’t get oriented…

“Girls,” she tried, but it was lost in the rest of the noise.

“What in Kyoshi’s name—”

“—moon just _disappear_ —” 

“—but it _couldn’t_ —” 

Suki gripped her fans more tightly. Being caught unawares was a surefire way to seal one’s fate for the worse, but she had no idea if there even was a physical threat. She couldn’t see, or hear, or think… 

“Girls!”

Silence blanketed the campsite then, and as Suki’s vision adjusted to the dim light of the campfire, she saw the other Kyoshi Warriors limned in the orange glow: Mio and Kei, having found each other in the darkness, hands clasped tightly; Mana, with her hands over her mouth and tears glistening on her cheeks; Chie sitting with her legs folded underneath her, head bowed slightly towards the ground; and Ran, standing next to her and searching the sky. The stillness was almost as disorienting as all the noise had been, the warriors all backlit silhouettes suspended in formless darkness.

At a loud crack, Suki spun around with her arms raised, but as the quiet persisted, she knew they were alone. The crack must have been a stick bursting in the campfire. Beside her, she saw that Ran’s hand was clasped around the hilt of her katana, which was drawn halfway out of the scabbard, and her breath hitched on a half-laugh. Ran’s head swiveled around to where Suki was standing and, after taking in their matching fighting stances, she huffed.

“This’ll do a lot of good against a spirit world crisis, huh?” she said, fully resheathing her sword with a _shink_. 

Because it had to be a spirit world crisis. There was no other explanation that made sense. But in spite of this, Suki was reluctant to put away her fans. If she did, the only thing left for her to do was pray, but simply _hoping_ that the Avatar knew what he was doing…well, that wasn’t exactly proactive. 

“What if it never comes back?” Mio asked.

How long would it take the resulting imbalance to throw the world into chaos, Suki wondered. Years? Minutes? How petty everything that had come before seemed now. If she’d known it was possible to eradicate the moon, if she’d known it would happen in her own lifetime, how much would she have done differently? Fought less with the other warriors. Given them a relaxing day traveling through the plains instead of trudging through a swamp. Kissed Sokka on the mouth. Eaten that entire platter of mochi on her last birthday instead of sharing it with everyone else.

“We just…have to have faith,” Mana said, voice somehow both wobbly and certain. Then she turned to Suki, her hand outstretched. 

Suki dropped her arms. There was at least one way she could see that _hoping_ was more productive than standing there with her weapons drawn (which, she had to admit, certainly wasn’t helping anyone). She took Mana’s hand and knelt next to the other warrior. 

After a moment, Suki felt a hand on her arm. Kei and Mio had moved to flank her other side, Kei squeezing Suki’s shoulder, Mio reaching over to grip Mana’s other hand and creating a sort of circle between the four of them. Then Chie joined, and Ran with her, and together they sat, like holding a vigil. It was so quiet. Just their breathing, and the occasional crackle of the campfire. They could all be asleep, for how peaceful it was. 

Unable to do anything else, Suki closed her eyes, bowed her head, and thought, _“Please.”_ She didn’t know who she was entreating — the moon spirit? the spirit world in general? the spirit of Avatar Kyoshi, to come aid Avatar Aang in his moment of need? Any of them, all of them, it didn’t matter. Suki clenched her eyes and her jaw, clenched her hand where it was still grasping Mana’s, gripping with all her might as if holding on to that _please_ for dear life. Gripping so tightly that she barely registered Kei calling out and shaking her. 

When Suki opened her eyes, she saw soft white light illuminating their campsite and the surrounding forest. She saw clearly the faces of the other warriors: a mixture of shock and wonder and relief and still a healthy dose of fear, as they all remained huddled close. And when she finally looked up, taking in the moon’s brilliant silver-white gleam, how it lit up the sky and outshone all the stars, how everything the moonlight touched glittered like jewels, Suki thought she’d never seen anything more beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In keeping with the theme of titling chapters after famous female warriors from Japanese legend or history, this chapter's title is inspired by a female ninja from the 14th century, Mochizuki Chiyome. Not only was she a ninja herself, but she also founded a group of all-female ninjas, of which she was the leader. How very Suki of her. ;)
> 
> Either because she was a ninja, and thus very secretive, or because she didn't actually exist (there's some debate about this), not much is written about her, so the chapter title is taken from her actual name. 
> 
> The kanji for Mochizuki 望月 are "hope" and "moon," which, when used together, can mean "full moon." The kanji for Chiyome 千代女 mean "thousand," "era," and "woman," but 千代 can also mean "thousand years" in a poetic sense, as a way of saying "a long time."
> 
> I hope it's clear that what the warriors are experiencing at the end of the chapter is the result of the Gaang's showdown with Zhao in the Northern Water Tribe, and Yue's subsequent sacrifice! I figured the moon turning red and then going dark would be a worldwide phenomenon, and that everyone else in the other nations who doesn't know what's going on with the siege would be freaking out. O_O


	3. give one good scream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent really a lot of time staring at [this map of the ATLA world](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheLastAirbender/comments/gs5ktc/highly_detailed_map_of_the_atla_world/) (links to a reddit post) for ideas and inspiration and to try to keep things as logical as possible.

“Suki!” Mio called out as soon as Suki entered their quarters. The other girls had been off ferry guard duty for a couple hours already, but Suki, who’d been relegated to platypus bear babysitting, had spent the past two hours cleaning the animal smell out of her hair and clothing. “Suki, are you a butt girl, or an arm girl?”

Suki mouthed the words to herself — _“Am I a butt girl or an arm girl?”_ — but, no, nope, they still didn’t make any sense. 

“…what?” 

The other warriors were scattered around the small room, relaxing on their bedrolls, mostly-empty plates on the floor in front of them. Suki sank down onto her own blankets, where a plate of cold food was waiting for her.

“Are you a _butt_ girl or an _arm_ girl?” Mio repeated, as if the problem with Suki’s comprehension had been the words themselves. “Or are you a weirdo like Chie and you prefer something like wrists.”

“Wrists are a very delicate and fascinating part of the anatomy,” Chie chimed in.

Suki shook her head, bemused, and picked at the stale rice on her plate. 

“Seriously, what are you two talking about?”

Mio sighed and, instead of explaining, said, “Favorite Kyoshi Boy feature. Go.” Then pointed a finger at Suki.

“Oh. Oh!” She hadn’t…really gotten a good look at Sokka’s arms. Or his butt. She felt her face get a little warm. “Eyes?”

“Ugh!” Mio flopped backwards onto her bedroll, although she had a smile on her face. “You’re just as bad as Ran.”

“Hey, eyes are the window to the soul,” Ran insisted facetiously.

“Yeah, yeah, but that’s not what I’m talking about. No one’s getting hot and bothered over a pair of soulful eyes.”

Except Suki thought about Sokka’s eyes kind of a lot. Usually in the context of him looking up at her as he knelt before her at the dojo, or when his eyes had looked kind of…smouldering when he’d given her that stupid cocky smirk that part of her still hated herself for liking. Or, just, how they looked painted in the Kyoshi Warrior makeup in general. In fact, from the moment he’d started applying the makeup, she’d been captivated, although at first she’d tried to convince herself it was because she’d been so impressed at his dexterity.

“You’re pretty good at this,” she remembered telling him as he was applying the red pigment over his eyelids.

“I’ve been putting on war paint since I was a kid,” he’d replied, nonchalant, and she’d started to feel a hint of a flutter, then, in spite of herself. It had been easy to write him off as a typical arrogant guy when they’d first met, just a puffed up peacock pigeon with something to prove. But was it possible they actually had something in common with each other? 

And there he was, casually comparing the Kyoshi paint to the traditional war paint of his own tribe. Without trying too hard — and honestly, at the time she’d figured “trying too hard” was his default state — he’d let it slip that he found the makeup of this group of young women empowering. Intimidating. Honorable.

He’d been glancing back and forth between her face and a hand mirror, studying her closely to get the pattern right, and to her annoyance, his scrutiny made her feel overly warm. Before she could stop herself, she was noticing how bright blue his eyes were, like a winter morning. Clear, sharp, kind of invigorating…

Then she realized that Sokka had stopped moving and was staring straight at her. His face had gone a little pink around his cheekbones, and she mentally kicked herself. How long had she just been sitting there dumbly gazing into his eyes? She was supposed to be teaching him a lesson — literally and metaphorically — not fawning over how beautiful he was. 

So she cleared her throat and thrust a small paintbrush in his direction in an attempt to save face.

“Here, you might want to, um…use a brush for the eyebrows.”

“Oh yeah, sure. You can never be too careful when it comes to eyebrows.” And then he waggled them at her.

She’d laughed. She couldn’t help it. Sure, she’d thought he was funny before in a “get joy out of proving you wrong” kind of way, but the guy had a sense of humor and, dammit, apparently she’d liked it. He’d answered her laugh with a sort of goofy smile, all crooked at the edges, and that was when she’d first realized she was in trouble.

“I’m a boob girl myself,” Kei was saying, offering her sage input to Mio’s poll, and Mio sat up abruptly in response. 

“Look,” Mio said, throwing a piece of leftover food from her plate across the room at Kei. “That’s not interesting at all. Everyone likes boobs. Even straight girls like boobs.”

Mana let out a little squeak, and Suki burst out laughing.

“Jawline!” Suki shouted, inspired all of a sudden. She had quite liked the sharp curve of Sokka’s jaw.

“I’m done talking to you all about this,” Mio replied, flapping her hands dismissively.

While the other girls continued to torture Mio by almost-but-not-quite answering her question, Suki turned her attention to her food again, pushing a clump of stewed cabbage around the plate without any enthusiasm. 

Honestly, when Suki had thought about saving the world, this wasn’t exactly what she’d had in mind. She’d had visions of tying Fire Nation soldiers to poles, or liberating Earth Kingdom villages from Fire Nation colonizers, or single-handedly ending street violence. She did not think of this — a dank ferry station, government food rations. Platypus bear duty. Which she’d somehow gotten stuck on for the entire week.

Well…actually…she knew how she’d ended up on platypus bear poop patrol, and that made the whole situation worse. She’d tried to give her lunch to a family of refugees, and the animal daycare was her punishment. Ferry security were strictly forbidden from sharing any of their resources with ferry passengers, including food and water. The crabby lady had said something about “effective management of budgetary concerns” and “regulation of the allocation of consumables” or something else equally ridiculous that Suki had tuned out before yelling back about fairness and empathy and “aren’t we supposed to be helping people?” That was about the point the crabby lady had stamped a new assignment onto her schedule: Animalian Security Custodian.

It didn’t make any sense to her. Weren’t they there to help refugees? The whole reason the Kyoshi Warriors had ended up at the Full Moon Bay ferry terminal to begin with was because they’d come across a group of travelers who were being harassed by bandits. Taking out the bandits had been swift and easy and, really, exactly the kind of thing Suki’d had in mind when she’d first imagined leaving the island. Then the travelers had explained where they were going, and how treacherous the journey had been so far, and if there was one thing the girls had learned in their weeks on the road, it was how unforgiving crossing the Earth Kingdom on foot could be. Add in the risk of mugging and it was a no-brainer — these people needed an escort, and the Kyoshi Warriors were happy to oblige. 

But everyone else working at the ferry station didn’t seem at all interested in actually helping. They just wanted to follow the rules, and make sure other people followed the rules, and make new rules so they could get people in trouble for following the old rules instead of the new rules, and Suki hated it. 

Part of her — most of her…all of her — wanted to leave. Continue on to Ba Sing Se as they’d originally planned, make themselves useful as part of ending the war instead of just perpetuating the status quo. They were so close now, just a ferry ride away, but every time she thought about bringing it up, she remembered the argument she’d had with Ran and the other girls the night the moon went dark. 

Things _seemed_ to be okay now. Although they spent much of their time apart — on duty in different areas of the station or assigned to work on one of the vessels — they almost always ended their days together over dinner, laughing and talking and answering ridiculous questions about butts. They hadn’t really argued since, but then, nothing had actually been resolved, either, and Suki was reluctant to tear open a barely-healed sore. 

Suddenly, outside their quarters, there was a loud crash, and all the warriors scrambled up to see what had happened. A woman was on her knees amidst what must have been all of her belongings, a small child in one arm. The child — maybe two years old, at most — was red-faced with dewey lashes. He appeared to be fresh from a tantrum, and the harried look in the woman’s eyes corroborated Suki’s suspicions. Meanwhile, the guard on that side of the room stood stony-faced a couple feet away, seemingly unaware of both mother and toddler, as the woman struggled to gather her things. Suki hurried over to help.

“Are you okay?” she asked, grabbing whatever was within arm’s reach. 

“Yes, thank you, I’m so sorry, I’m just a little tired, that’s all. It’s been so hard to sleep here, and it’s making me clumsy. Thank you so much,” the woman rambled.

Suki looked up at the guard standing nearby. The way his eyes stared straight ahead felt to Suki like overcompensation for ignoring the scene in front of him, and she sneered at him, just to see if he would react. When he quirked an eyebrow — gaze still trained on something in the distance — Suki scowled even further.

“Why don’t I help you carry these things?”

“No, it’s okay, thank you, I don’t want to be any trouble. I’m so sorry again, please forgive me for causing such an inconvenience. Thank you again for the help.” And she hurried off, nearly dropping one of her bags again and catching it mid-stumble. 

The urge to grab the other guard by the collar and give him a good shake had Suki’s elbows rising, but she clenched her fists and breathed through the impulse. She did, however, brush her dusty pants off in his direction before returning to her quarters.

“What a jerk,” she breathed when she was within earshot of the other Kyoshi Warriors. 

There may not have been a blood moon that night, but _boy_ was she seeing red. This wasn’t supposed to be the face of their enemy. The face of their enemy was jeering from behind scarlet skull helmets, wielding unrelenting infernos that scorched and blistered everything in their path. The guards and clerks of this Earth Kingdom hideout were supposed to be allies. Partners in justice.

“Oh!” Mana cried out, popping up like one of those singing groundhogs Suki'd hear about once. Then she scurried out of sight, making Suki pinch her lips in confusion.

Kei turned to head back to her bedroll, patting Suki on the arm as she walked past. Ran slumped down to the floor with a huff, crossing her arms. Suki wondered if they’d seen what she saw. Not just an isolated annoyance, not just one unhelpful guard, but something more pervasive. She wondered if they were as upset with the whole establishment as she was.

Then she saw Mana slip away to surreptitiously follow the young mother, holding a small doll in her hand that she must’ve salvaged from the lost-and-found. And Suki smiled sadly after her, feeling like she and the other warriors were the only ones there who were doing any good.

* * *

Was it just her, or was this ferry ride excruciatingly long? She’d only left Sokka and the group a couple hours ago, but Suki felt like she’d already spent the entire day riding the ferry back to Full Moon Bay. Admittedly, she was torturing herself by replaying her goodbye with Sokka over and over in her head. But she couldn’t help it. Kissing him had been like the first time she’d successfully executed a backflip — that perfect balance and alignment and exhilaration, that moment of impossible suspension at the apex of the flip. And spirits, she wanted to kiss him again right now. Badly. 

“I don’t suppose it would be fair of me to ask you to come with us? Maybe I need more protecting,” he’d said, pulling her close against him. _Oh_ , that grin had been hard to turn down.

“Sokka—”

“No, it’s okay, I understand. I’m sorry I asked. I’ll try not to make this any harder than it already is.”

Then he’d touched his forehead to hers and said, “Thank you,” and those two words had felt so loaded, she hadn’t been confident what exactly he’d been thanking her for.

Thinking back on it now, the obvious answer was that he’d thanked her for escorting them. But when she recalled the previous night, how he’d pulled away from her when they’d been so close to kissing, she thought maybe he’d been thanking her for giving him space. Which…of course she had! But honestly, it had _hurt_ , watching him walk away like that. Sokka’d left her standing alone on that bluff, underneath the waning moon, and she’d felt a loss somehow more profound than her own.

There’d been this sick sort of twisted-up feeling in her gut, made worse by the fact that it annoyed her so much to be feeling that way at all. It had been stupid to even try pursuing something with him. Even if they _had_ kissed, what did she expect to happen next? She couldn’t _stay_ with him. She had a duty to the other warriors. But as soon as she’d seen him in that ferry station, her insides had erupted into all sorts of acrobatics, and after weeks of thinking of his annoying grin, his ridiculous jokes, his infuriating impulse to jump to her defense, she just…finally let herself want him. 

And the other warriors had been so excited for her when she’d told them Sokka was there, they’d practically shoved her into going after him.

“Suki,” Mio said, “that boy’s smile was so big when he saw you, there wasn’t room for the rest of his face.”

“More importantly,” Ran interjected, “he totally let you manhandle him. Suki, he is putty in your hands.”

Mana had blushed, and Mio had shoved at Ran, muttering, “You’re impossible.”

Kei stepped in then and, as she often did when making a point, grabbed Suki’s shoulder.

“What these miscreants mean to say is, you two clearly care about each other, and you’ll regret not taking the opportunity to spend time with him, because who knows when you’ll cross paths again?”

“And besides, it’s your duty as a Kyoshi Warrior to escort refugees to safety, is it not?” Chie added. 

The next thing she knew, Mio had stuffed her uniform into her hands and Kei was pulling her to the guard’s quarters to get changed. 

She’d started the journey across the Serpent’s Pass with so much hope. But standing alone on the bluff, she’d suddenly found herself trying to figure out what she would say to the other girls. (Which, she could admit now, was mostly a way to explain it to herself.) She was too late. She’d misread him. She’d pushed too hard… 

By the time she’d gotten back to the campsite, Sokka was curled up on his bedroll, facing the outcropping. Although she doubted he was sleeping, she was certain he didn’t want to talk. Her bedroll was next to his still, left there after his chivalrous but misguided attempt to save her from the cliff ledge. So she sat down, and looked over at him, and immediately her insides clenched. Watching him, she could’ve sworn she saw his body shift, but she couldn’t be sure — she couldn’t be sure if it was because he was trying to get comfortable, or because he knew she was close, or if maybe he hadn’t even moved at all and she’d been hoping so hard for acknowledgment that she’d imagined it.

She’d wanted to touch him. Just a hand on his arm, a brush of fingertips across his shoulder. She’d been so tantalizingly close before, his hands around her waist, hers planted on his chest, their lips only millimeters apart. They’d been so close to each other that she’d felt the heat radiating off of his body, warming her face. So, sitting by him at the campsite…it was like their near-kiss had loaded her with static electricity. Her arm strained towards him like hair towards a charged surface. She’d reached out — it felt like she might burst if she didn’t — but halfway between her body and his, she’d let her hand drop. 

Suki looked down at the water as it sloshed and churned against the hull of the ferry boat. It was kind of funny…she still felt all wound up, but in a different way than she had last night. Like a tightly coiled spring that had unfurled as soon as Sokka kissed her, only to start twisting back up on itself again once she’d left, but in the opposite direction. And now she wasn’t sure what was worse: the way she felt then, when her and Sokka’s budding relationship almost ended that night on the cliffs; or the way she felt now, having left Sokka behind after they’d finally come together. 

“Ugh!” she huffed, irritated at how her stomach pitched and dropped every time she thought of him. The outburst earned her a couple curious glances from the ferry operators, and she bit her lip sheepishly. “Sorry…”

Suki looked out over the railing, just barely able to make out the Serpent’s Pass in the distance. It was hard to imagine that just earlier that day she’d been walking across that jagged strip of land. And that just on the other side of the isthmus were patrolling Fire Nation ships, completely unaware of the ferries running across the opposite lake, too tied up in hiding their own secret.

“Yeah, no idea who did it. I mean, obviously it was one of those urchin refugees, but the captain’s fit to sack every guard who was on duty that night for letting a criminal slip into the kitchens undetected.”

Suki’s ears perked up at the conversation being held by a couple ferry guards about to pass her way.

“Had to’ve been more than one, right? Dozens of portions were stolen, based on what I heard. Sure sounds like an inside job to me.”

“No way. These ferry rats can get creative when they actually apply themselves for once. Maybe it was a group of ‘em, but this has dirty refugees written all over it.”

Ferry rats? Dirty refugees? Suki’s hands tightened on the railing. If she didn’t think she’d be cleaning up platypus bear dung for the rest of her life because of it, she would’ve grabbed the guards by their collars — one fist each — and threatened to throw them overboard. As she didn’t much relish an eternity of shoveling poop, she plastered a smile on her face and turned around as innocently as she could.

“Excuse me, I couldn’t help but overhear... Was there an incident with last night’s ferry?”

One of the guards, an older man with a sour expression on his face that looked like it had been there for multiple decades, looked Suki up and down derisively. 

“I don’t see how it’s any of your business.”

It was then she remembered she was in her Kyoshi Warrior uniform, not her ferry guard’s uniform. Not that it would’ve mattered much to this guy.

“Oh, I’m a ferry guard as well, just off duty at the moment. I figured if there was an incident, all the guards should be aware so we can take the appropriate measures.”

“Don’t you worry about it, sweetheart,” said the other guard. He was less outwardly sour-looking than his companion, but his slithery tone made Suki’s fists clench. “Just a couple crafty passengers getting their paws on some of the captain’s food stores. Must’ve thought the free rations they got on their luxurious ride across the bay weren’t up to their standards. But if you weren’t on duty last night, it’s no never mind to you. We’ll take care of it.”

But she _did_ mind. She fumed over it for the rest of the trip, and as soon as the ferry docked at Full Moon Bay, Suki stormed to her quarters, where she found the other Kyoshi Warriors gathered together around dinner.

“Suki! How was your trip? Did everyone get across safely?” Mana asked.

“We have to leave,” Suki said, barreling straight past both of Mana’s questions. She didn’t miss the way Ran’s face darkened.

“What, now?” Mio asked. She had a teasing lilt to her voice, but Suki didn’t feel like messing around. She looked straight at Mio.

“I don’t care if it’s right now, but it has to be soon.”

“Why would we do that?” Mana asked. “We’re helping people here.” 

“Are we, though?” Suki demanded. “Is it helping people if we get punished for sharing food with hungry refugees? Is it helping people to stand idly by while passengers’ belongings get stolen, right under our noses?”

Just thinking about how Ying had gone into labor moments after they’d crossed the pass had her blood boiling. No one had cared about the safety of a pregnant woman and her family except for the Avatar — not the guards who’d done nothing to recover their lost property, not the crabby lady who’d denied them access to the ferry. 

“I heard the food stores got raided by some passengers on last night’s ferry. I asked around, and guess what?” Suki continued. “The food the passengers were given was rotten! The captain was keeping the fresh food for himself! Is _that_ helping people?”

“Yeah, but we’re not like that, Suki,” Mana insisted. “And that’s the important thing.”

“What if we’re the only ones who care?” Ran added. “We should just abandon everyone here, leave them with a bunch of incompetent jerks?”

Suki's hands were shaking. She was getting too worked up. Times like this, she would usually blow off steam by doing something physical — practicing forms, fighting, climbing a literal wall — but just like she’d held back earlier from grabbing the ferry guards by the collar, she had to hold back now. If she kept going like this, they’d all end up screaming at each other, and it was unlikely that another blood red moon would stop them.

Taking a deep breath, Suki lowered herself so she was sitting on her ankles on top of her bedroll. 

“Look, I have an idea that I think could help everyone here, and the whole Earth Kingdom.” When no one interjected, she continued. “I think we should go into the mountains up north, on the other side of the western lake, and find out what the Fire Nation is working on over there. And if we discover anything, we can meet up with the Avatar and his group in Ba Sing Se and deliver the message to the Earth King and his generals.”

“Oh, I get it now,” Ran said, crossing her arms. 

“Get what?”

“This is an excuse to get us to Ba Sing Se so you can meet back up with your boy toy.”

“What?” Suki’s hands flew to her hips. How did these conversations keep going so wrong? “That’s not what this is about. It’s a strategic move. Our skills are perfectly suited to doing reconnaissance, and the Avatar is already in the capital making an alliance with the Earth King right now. We’d talked about going to Ba Sing Se before. This is the perfect opportunity.”

“Every time you see that boy, you come back to us wanting to drag us all over the globe so you can chase after him,” Ran argued.

Suki bristled.

“What do you mean _‘every time’_ I see him? You all practically forced me to go after him this time! And for what? Just so you could get mad at me for having feelings for him?”

Suki clamped her mouth shut when she felt Mana’s hand on her arm. 

“Oh, so now us encouraging you to do something you clearly already wanted to do was just a set up?”

“Ran, stop it,” Mana scolded.

“Don’t be callous, Suki. And don’t treat us like we don’t understand what it feels like to leave somebody behind.” 

It felt like a slap. When she looked around at everyone’s somber faces, her stomach clenched with realization. They’d all been talking, behind her back, about losses she somehow knew nothing about. She’d only been gone a couple days. Why did it suddenly feel like she’d been away for weeks?

“If none of you want to go, I’ll understand,” Suki said, after several moments of silence. “Talk it over. We can make a decision together later.”

With that, she left their quarters, deciding not to come back for the rest of the night. She needed a workout.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, the inspiration for this chapter's title wasn't _technically_ a warrior, but I think she still counts. 
> 
> Sutematsu Oyama was the first Japanese woman to receive a college education. She was forced to go to school in America as a little girl, which is where she ultimately earned her degree. When she came back to Japan as a young adult, back to a family and a culture that was now unfamiliar to her, apparently she was asked how she felt, and she responded, "I cannot tell you how I feel, but I should like to give one good scream." 
> 
> Eventually Sutematsu Oyama went on to open a school for girls in Japan along with some of the other women with whom she'd gone to America as a child. She was the daughter of a samurai, but after reading her story, I felt like she also had the heart of a warrior herself.
> 
> Read about Sutemastu Oyama here!  
> https://www.rejectedprincesses.com/princesses/sutematsu-oyama


	4. refuse to go quietly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm excited about this chapter because finally some of those other character tags are coming into play! ^^;
> 
> And, I just wanted to give a special shout out to [Pidgeapodge](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pidgeapodge/pseuds/Pidgeapodge), whose thoughtful comments and musings on previous chapters actually really helped me contextualize what I was trying to do with the first scene in this chapter, which I'd struggled with quite a bit and rewrote/revised many times trying to get the right tone. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! 
> 
> And thank you to everyone who's been leaving comments, it's so wonderful and makes me want to cry every time! ;-; 

Suki was a completely reasonable person. She recognized that people had limitations. She didn’t expect to be handed everything she wanted. She believed in the value of hard work. But really, was it too much to ask for her to be the best at everything she did? And to never be wrong? No. No, it was not.

The forest around them was lush, almost humid despite the cool temperatures from the abundance of dappled shade. And it felt old. It felt like the pai sho parlor back on Kyoshi Island smelled. There were even ruins of some sort scattered throughout, with trees growing on top of them, as if the structures had emerged from the ground and forced the trees to bend and stretch around them. It was impossible to imagine that these towering, gnarled trees were actually younger than the ruins, stubborn and resilient seedlings that thrived despite being carelessly dropped onto hard stone dozens of feet above any source of nourishment. 

“Suki.” Kei placed a hand on Suki’s shoulder. They were walking side-by-side, and Suki felt the awkward rhythm of Kei’s arm against her body as they walked out-of-sync with each other. “Maybe we ought to cut our losses and turn back. Stick to the original plan.”

She knew Kei was looking at her, could see in her mind Kei’s expression of patient understanding: her flattened mouth, the furrow between her slightly-raised eyebrows. There wasn’t much that Suki was unwilling to meet head on, but at that moment, Kei’s expression was part of that very short list. 

Notably _not_ on that list: ferocious mile-long sea serpents, Fire Nation soldiers, men who were “bigger” and “stronger” than she was. All things she felt confident confronting directly.

Although, it was easier to be courageous when the only risk was bodily harm.

In the face of physical threats, she could be decisive. She acted on impulse, and the rewards were immediate. Crossing the Serpent’s Pass, when Toph had fallen into the water, Suki had been the fastest to jump in after her. Toph was safe because of her instinct and quick thinking. And Sokka’s reaction… In a weird way, that had been rewarding, as well. After helping both her and Toph out of the water, he’d just sort of…stared at her. 

“What?” she’d asked, wondering if he was going to yell at her again about being safe. 

But instead, he’d blushed a little bit and looked away.

“No, it’s nothing…” he’d said, before turning to keep up with the rest of the group.

She hadn’t known what to make of his behavior at the time, but later, after he’d kissed her, she thought maybe he’d been impressed. And possibly a little conflicted with it. But…ultimately, all of that had to mean that her impulses were good, right?

So why did it feel like every decision she made lately was the wrong one? 

She and the Kyoshi Warriors had been wandering around the forest on the far side of the western lake for days and had yet to discover anything but wilderness. No secret Fire Nation hideout, no Fire Nation soldiers having clandestine conversations thinking they were hidden by the trees. No intel that would give the Earth Kingdom a strategic advantage over the Fire Nation, leading to the defeat of Ozai’s armies and facilitating the end of the war, thanks to a plucky teenage girl and her band of lady warriors. 

No, if they turned back now, they’d have to walk into Ba Sing Se empty-handed. And all the time they’d spent on this supposed reconnaissance mission? Wasted. To admit the loss, to admit the failure… That was harder to swallow than…fermented soybeans.

“Why did you all agree to leave the ferry station?” Suki asked, finally turning to look Kei in the eye. 

“We believed in the mission,” Kei said simply.

“But not in me,” Suki inferred.

“I didn’t say that.”

After Suki had left the guard’s quarters that night, Ran’s admonishment kept resurfacing in her thoughts, no matter how diligently she practiced her forms in an attempt to clear her mind. _Don’t treat us like we don’t understand what it feels like to leave somebody behind._ Yes, she could admit that she’d been in a bit of a sulk about parting from Sokka after finally, finally getting to see him again. But the other girls… They’d all been away from home for months. And more importantly, there’d been no guarantee that they would ever return. Suki had imagined Ran finishing off a glass of Obahan’s plum wine during their last night on Kyoshi Island, thinking it might be the last she ever had; Kei, saying goodbye to her little brothers, who’d probably waved after her excitedly, not comprehending what their sister’s departure really meant. And Suki…she’d brought the most important people in her own world along on this mission with her. The most important people in her world, and yet it had taken weeks of traveling together and a handful of fights for her to really see them.

“We’ve always believed in you, Suki,” Kei continued. “We never stopped believing in you. It actually felt more like…like you’d stopped believing in us.”

“What? That’s ridiculous!”

Kei gave Suki a look that might have said, “Shut up, you’re doing it again,” except that Kei would never actually tell anyone to shut up.

“Suki. Do you remember that one Kyoshi Day festival, when everyone broke into teams to play relay games, and you wouldn’t let Hayato play the goldfish scooping game because you thought your team could only win if _you_ played?”

“I was seven!” It was also the first memory she had of a boy calling her bossy. She’d spent the rest of her life so far trying to prove him right.

“Yes, well, this whole adventure’s been kind of like that.”

Suki narrowed her eyes while she chewed on her bottom lip.

“Did I win that game?”

“Does it matter?” Kei asked, looking at Suki sideways. She was always so _practical_. Suki tried (sort of) not to be annoyed about it. 

“I’ve always tried to put myself out in front. So I wouldn’t be asking you all to do something that I wouldn’t do myself.”

“Well…that’s just it. You never actually asked. At least, not until this last time.”

She’d returned to the guard’s quarters early the morning after the fight. Chie had been the only one awake, seated on her ankles, palms resting gently on her knees. Her eyes opened when Suki walked in, and she tilted her head down once in silent acknowledgment. 

“We’ve all decided to proceed to the far side of the western lake for the next mission.” 

At the time, Suki couldn’t help the smirk that crept onto her face. After the emotionally-charged evening and her lack of sleep, something about Chie’s whole demeanor made Suki feel weirdly giddy. The other warrior was so elegant, with her perfect posture and her pointed chin. Sometimes Suki felt like she would look more at home at the head of an aristocrat’s table than, well, pretty much anywhere else they’d been over the past several weeks. Hearing her now, Suki might’ve completely imagined the previous night’s squabble.

“Everyone?” Suki asked, voice laced with skepticism.

“That’s correct.”

Chie had offered no further insight into the discussion, and Suki hadn’t wanted to press her luck. They’d left the ferry station mere hours later, almost as soon as the other warriors had awakened. 

“Hey, Suki,” Ran called over her shoulder, slowing her pace until she was walking in line with Suki and Kei. The rucksack with their food provisions was open in her arms. “We’re running a little low on food. What do you want to do?”

They were miles, if not days, from the nearest village, and at least half a day’s walk from the closest river. Suki looked up at Ran. Her eyebrow was raised, but whereas normally it would be accompanied by a sardonic smirk, the rest of Ran’s face was flat. Suki couldn’t tell if she was being challenged, or judged, or as good as ignored, and she figured that was the point. After they regarded each other silently for a few moments, Suki lifted her chin.

“How much is left?”

“Enough for each of us to have a light lunch.”

It was still early. Not enough food to get through the day, but plenty of time to rectify the situation. Suki resisted looking into the rucksack herself.

“So we’ll have to stop for food today?”

“I suppose,” Ran said, her tone flippant as she shouldered the bag. “That, or we let our stomachs wither away into nothingness.”

Suki indulged in a brief fantasy of rolling her eyes. It didn’t matter, though, that Ran was exaggerating. Suki knew what this group was like when they were hungry. They could be even more ferocious than a giant sea serpent. In fact, that was one more thing on Suki’s unwilling-to-face-head-on list. 

“Do you think we should try to get more food now, before we eat what’s left?” Suki asked.

Ran had begun fiddling with one of her fans while she waited for Suki’s response, flipping the closed weapon around the back of her hand, catching it in her fist, flipping it around again. Kei reached over, her arm crossing in front of Suki’s body to do so, and put her hand on top of Ran’s. Then she gave Ran her saying-shut-up-without-saying-shut-up face. Suki pulled her lips between her teeth to tamp down a laugh.

Suddenly, Ran shoved her fan back into her belt and turned her face towards Suki. There was something commanding about the gesture that Suki found herself admiring.

“What’s with the interrogation?”

“Believe it or not,” Suki replied, head tilted, “I’m actually asking for your opinion.”

 _Looks like ‘or not,’_ she thought.

“Huh,” Ran finally said. “I couldn’t tell. You were still using your ‘Divine Ruler Suki’ voice.” Then she smirked, and Suki smiled.

“Oh, sorry. Should’ve used my ‘Just a Regular Commoner’ voice.”

“Well, you know…you’re out of practice.” Then Ran sighed. “Look, Suki… Chie told me I was being a pain in the ass—”

“She did not.”

“Well, no, but she told me this story about a man who felt sick after thinking he’d drunk wine with a snake in it, but the snake was just a reflection and the man wasn’t really sick… Anyway, it was Chie’s way of telling me I’m being a pain in the ass.”

Suki knew the story: a man who brings suffering upon himself by being overly-suspicious. She smiled a little.

“Do _you_ think you’re being a pain?”

“In the ass,” Ran corrected.

Now Suki did actually roll her eyes.

“Ran.”

Ran looked skyward. For a moment, the only sound was the crush of leaves and twigs under their feet and Mana and Mio’s chatter ahead of them, muffled by the density of the forest and seeming further away than it actually was. 

“I still think some of what I was mad about was real,” Ran said at last. “And I’m still kind of mad about it, if I’m being honest.”

“Which you never are,” Suki quipped with a sly grin.

Ran glanced at Suki sidelong, her eyebrow raised. This was Ran’s version of a non-verbal “shut up,” but unlike Kei, Ran had no qualms about saying those words aloud.

“But,” Ran continued, “It wasn’t fair of me to second-guess your intentions. After you left for the Serpent’s Pass, I started thinking you might not want to come back. And then I started thinking about how we were stuck in that musty ferry station while you were off with your prestigious new friends, and I thought, ‘I left Obahan on her own for this? Mio left her girlfriend, Mana left her mother, for this?’ and I got resentful and…y’know…the snake was only a reflection.”

Suki wanted to know if she regretted leaving the island, if she’d lost faith in Suki’s leadership despite Kei insisting that none of them had. Before she figured out how to word the question, though, Ran broke the silence.

“So, if you want my opinion… Well, for once, I don’t have one. But Mana wants to stop and pick berries, since there’s so many here. And Chie thinks she saw some animal tracks that we could follow.” 

“Let’s do both,” Suki suggested. “Spread out along the path of the tracks and pick berries as we go. Sound good?”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll tell the others.”

“Thanks. Oh, and Ran? Could you also see what they think about turning back? Stopping our investigation of the forest and just heading straight over to Ba Sing Se?”

Suki glanced over at Kei, who was still on her other side but who had given her and Ran some distance. Kei’s face was tilted up towards the sky, but Suki could tell she was smiling, just the tiniest lift at the corner of her mouth. 

“Okay,” Ran said. “But, maybe let’s see where the berry-picking leads us. Who knows, we might run into something interesting.”

The girls all agreed to spend some time stocking their food stores, after which they would turn around and resume their journey to Ba Sing Se. The forest, it was decided, was a bust. Even though she’d been the one to open the topic up for discussion, after the decision was made, Suki had to remind herself that they really weren’t helping anyone, not by wandering around the way they were now. Helping people was the whole point, and if her pride had to suffer, well…it was no worse than being made to shovel platypus bear poop for a week.

They all settled into a rhythm that was so natural by now: fanning out to cover different sections of the forest, unhooking pouches from their belts or taking cloth out of bags to collect whatever they harvested, silently setting about the work of gathering food. Suki waited for the other girls to find their places before looking for a berry-picking spot of her own, then changed her mind and knelt down beside Mio, instead.

“So…” she ventured, idly examining some branches, “you must think I’m a huge jerk, huh?”

Mio dumped a handful of berries into her bag and then brushed her gloved hands off on her uniform skirt. 

“For the love of… Suki, of course I don’t think that!”

“I’m off having romantic adventures, and I didn’t even know about your girlfriend—”

“It’s fine, really. Nobody did, until the other night. We’ve tried to keep it kind of secret, because her parents don’t exactly approve. They don’t like her being with a warrior.” Mio huffed a cynical laugh. “They think it’s too dangerous. It’s a _little_ funny. They’ve felt that way the whole time, but it...well, their concern didn’t really feel relevant until we decided to leave the island.” 

She shrugged. Suki thought the gesture came off a little agitated.

“You still could’ve told _us_. Why didn’t you say anything before?”

Mio smiled, thoughtfully picking a couple berries off the bush. She tossed one to Suki underhand, who caught it before it landed in her lap. 

“You know when you came back from the Serpent’s Pass?”

“Uh huh…” Suki replied, drawing the sound out skeptically. How could she ever forget?

“You didn’t have to.”

Now she scrunched her eyes. 

“Of course I did.”

“What I mean is…you decided to come back because you thought it was the right thing to do—”

“Of course it was!”

“Suki!” Mio laughed. This time when she threw another berry, she aimed it straight for Suki’s face. “Nothing forced you, physically, to do what you did. You just believed that, in that moment, the romance stuff would have to wait. I didn’t say anything to you all because I made a choice when I left the island. The romance stuff has to wait. If I’m going to be here with you all, I have to really _be here_ , y’know?” 

“Yeah…”

“We all made sacrifices to be here. Heck, Chie hasn’t trimmed her bonsai tree in weeks!” Suki snorted and then immediately tightened her mouth sheepishly. “But it was the right thing to do, so we can do our part.”

Except Suki wasn’t so sure anymore. If she could just get all the warriors out of this forest and over to Ba Sing Se successfully, then maybe she’d be able to start forgiving herself.

* * *

Ran had been right. The “something interesting” they’d run into turned out to be a ten-ton flying bison, a trio of Fire Nation ladies bent on destroying anyone and anything in their path, and a sentence to Fire Nation prison. Although, if the Fire Nation had their way, Suki would _still_ be in prison, rather than on an airship with a whole group of outlaws.

Between the five of them (well, four, really…Chit Sang, as effective a blunt instrument as he could be, was not much help with the engineering side of things), they figured out how to get the Fire Nation airship working. The trip back to the Western Air Temple, where Sokka’s sister and the rest of their friends were hiding out, was supposed to take about half a day, according to Sokka and Zuko. Maybe a little faster, since they’d come to the prison in a slower-moving war balloon. But it seemed best to split up piloting duties between the group so no one fell asleep at the helm, and at the moment, Sokka and his father were fawning to each other over the levers and dials while they worked together to steer the ship. 

Watching the two of them interact…it completely overwhelmed her. Suki felt happy and sad, giddy and angry all at the same time. She weirdly wanted to hug them _both_ until she cried, and then to cry until she was dried out and empty and exhausted and numb. Given how awkward and embarrassed she felt around Sokka’s dad, though, this intense desire to spill out all of her emotions in front of him made absolutely no sense to her. She wasn’t even comfortable calling him by his name, even though he’d insisted on it. So where was this impulse to go all blubbery in his presence coming from? 

When they’d first left Boiling Rock, as soon as they were airborne, Zuko had taken the helm. He’d said he wanted to give Sokka and his father time to reconnect. So she’d stood with the two Water Tribesmen, Sokka’s arm around her shoulder, the older warrior smiling at the two of them as if he’d never seen anything more wonderful in his entire life. Sokka favored his father especially around the mouth, Suki noticed. Their smiles had the same elasticity in the corners, both of their grins broad and easy and a little crooked. And sometimes in the eyebrows, especially when they were sharing a look of skepticism, it was obvious how they were related. 

“So, how did you two meet?” Hakoda had asked them. The question sounded so…incongruously normal, compared to everything else they’d been through, that Suki almost laughed.

“Oh, well, _first_ Suki and the other Kyoshi Warriors tied me, Katara, and Aang to a pole for invading their island, even though we were only there because Aang wanted to surf on some giant koi fish. And _then_ I tried to demonstrate for Suki what an amazing warrior you taught me to be, and she promptly kicked by butt.”

Suki’d heard Zuko snort all the way over at the airship’s controls. At the same time, Hakoda raised his eyebrow in that expression so often mirrored by his son, and then barked out a hearty laugh.

“I should’ve known it would be something like that, given how effectively you incapacitated the warden back there. That was some impressive work, Suki.”

“Oh, well…thank you…sir.”

Hakoda had laughed again, this time more gently.

“Just ‘Hakoda’ is fine,” he’d told her.

“Oh, okay. Thank you. Hakoda…sir.”

If there was one thing she was definitely no good at, it was parents.

Now, over by the airship’s wheel, something Sokka said made his father bark out that laugh again and clap his son on one shoulder. Sokka was beaming, and before Suki did something mortifying, she had to turn away. Chit Sang was gone, likely dozing elsewhere in the ship, which left Zuko as her only other companion. 

Another flurry of contradictory emotions whirled up inside of her, although these were easier to deal with. And to name. Gratitude was the most prevalent one at the moment, although it was tempered by the memory of her village up in flames. She had…a lot of questions that needed to be answered before she’d be ready to forgive him for that. But one in particular drew her to his side.

“Zuko.” 

Although he was sitting quietly with his eyes closed, he looked too rigid to be asleep. When Suki sat next to him, he lifted his head and looked over at her. 

“Suki. Hi.”

He was as awkward around her as she was around Sokka’s dad. 

“I need to ask you something. About the Fire Nation’s prisons, the ones besides Boiling Rock.”

Zuko shifted so he was facing her, and she couldn’t help but notice how primly he sat: legs tucked underneath him, hips stacked atop his ankles, hands curled nearly into fists where they rested on his knees. It didn’t look like the boy had ever relaxed a day in his life. He simply nodded at her in encouragement.

“The Kyoshi Warriors and I…we were captured after a fight with your sister and her friends. I was obviously sent to the Boiling Rock, but the others…I need to know where they are.”

She’d had ample time in prison to reflect on her last moments with the other girls, so every detail was fresh in her mind, like it had been minutes ago instead of weeks. The gravelly sound of the guard’s voice asking who the leader was — _“One of you is definitely in charge, and you’re going to tell me who it is”_ — and Kei’s almost-imperceptible head shake, discouraging her from saying anything. The smell of the guard’s breath, like old beef, after she’d spoken up — _“I’m in charge here, so whatever punishment you have in mind, leave them out of it”_ — and he’d leaned into her just to laugh in her face. He’d quickly denied any chance that the other warriors would be allowed to go free but had promised Suki would get _“special treatment.”_ Remembering the way he’d said those words still made her shiver.

But since the Boiling Rock had been her reward, she had to believe the others were better off, and that belief had been the only thing keeping her guilt at bay. It was almost funny, in a theatrical tragedy kind of way, how their journey to that forest had gone from discouraging to triumphant and back to utter failure in the space of a few hours. They hadn’t found a secret that would bring down the Fire Nation, but they had found Appa, an occurrence so serendipitous, Suki almost let herself believe it was fate. Until she’d gotten herself and her warriors captured. Given the choice, she would gladly sacrifice herself over again for the opportunity to reunite Aang with his bison. And the other girls _probably_ felt the same. But now that she was free, and they weren’t, that “probably” didn’t feel like much consolation anymore. 

“If they’re not benders,” Zuko answered thoughtfully, “it’s likely they’re being kept at the Capital City prison, at the heart of the Fire Nation capital. Sometimes people are taken to work prisons elsewhere in the colonies, but…those are typically designed to keep benders from being able to use their bending.”

Suki nodded. Even though her gut tightened at the thought, it didn’t seem likely they could continue their liberation tour and spring the other girls from their prison the way she’d been sprung from hers. There was no way this motley crew of fugitives could break into a prison in the middle of the Fire Nation. 

“I don’t…” Zuko started, then second-guessed himself. 

“You don’t what?”

“I don’t…think it would be wise to go after them,” he finished. 

He looked remorseful, and Suki wondered — not for the first time — what had transpired between his attack on her village and now. She smiled at him wryly.

“I bet you didn’t think it was wise to break into the Boiling Rock, either.”

“Well, I…no, of course I didn’t, but…”

“It’s okay,” she interrupted, putting him out of his misery. “I won’t go charging into the Fire Nation capital, or asking you to do so, if that’s what you’re worried about. I figure…if you’re on our side now…we must be trying to put an end to this war once and for all, right?” At Zuko’s nod, she continued, “If I can help with that, then…that’s probably the best thing I can do for the other girls. The sooner this is all over, the sooner they’ll be free.”

“Right,” Zuko replied, and somehow that word held enough conviction that she felt emboldened. 

“Thank you, Zuko. For the information. And for helping Sokka.” She felt one step closer to forgiveness, and one degree lighter in her chest.

Zuko, meanwhile, looked like _another_ thing he’d never done in his life was get thanked. 

“Hatching another egg over here, you two?”

Suki glanced up to see Sokka approaching them and smiled. He looked good, especially considering how exhausted he must’ve been. She’d thought of him constantly during her time at the Boiling Rock, and the real thing was so, so much better. When he knelt next to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, she leaned against him, their bodies coming together in a way that already felt like second nature. 

“Zuko’s talking me out of doing another prison break to rescue the other Kyoshi Warriors,” Suki jibed, feeling Sokka’s arm tighten around her.

“I’m not— I mean, I don’t think it’s a good idea, but— I can’t tell you what to do, of course—”

“Zuko, chill out,” Sokka laughed. “No one’s mad at you right now.”

She had been. Mad at him, that is. For a long time, his face had been the face of her guilt, and then the face of her righteous vengeance. But over time she’d kind of…forgotten about it, because more and more often, the face she saw when feeling guilty was her own. Encountering Zuko again at the prison, she’d been so ready to hate him, to pile all of her shame and anger back on to that faded image of the pony-tailed Fire Nation soldier in her head. But she couldn’t, then. Not knowing the risk he’d taken for Sokka. And she couldn’t, now. Not seeing how lost he looked when people _weren’t_ angry at him. Not after realizing that, on some level, they were all just as lost.

“My dad says I should rest, but I’m too keyed up,” Sokka was saying, with a squeeze of his hand on Suki’s arm. “Want to come fly with me for a while?”

They moved to the ship’s controls, and Sokka commenced giving Suki an orientation on everything he’d discovered with his father.

“Okay, well, you obviously know these levers are how you launch the ship. This one vents the air in the ballasts to give us more lift, but you use this one to do the opposite.”

Suki watched his hands for a moment but ended up looking at his face while he continued, captivated by the brightness in his eyes. She couldn’t imagine he’d slept at all while he’d been in disguise at the prison, but his enthusiasm shoved away any signs that he might be even a little tired. And getting to play with a sophisticated bit of Fire Nation technology was, Suki figured, only partly responsible for his mood. After all, it’s not every day a boy successfully escapes from an enemy prison and reunites with his long-lost father and his…girlfriend? If that’s what she was.

“These dials seem to control the pitch, so we have to keep tweaking those to keep the ship level.”

Although the label didn’t matter, really. He obviously cared about her a lot, risking a great deal to break her out of prison. Not, of course, that she needed boys rescuing her, however much of a knack Sokka had in that particular area. She knew she’d make it out of that prison one way or another, because she believed so strongly that Aang was going to end the war, and that it was only a matter of time before she’d be with them all again — Aang, her warriors, Sokka… So, for once in her life, she’d started to get really good at waiting. Waiting for the right moment to act. Waiting even though everything in her body was screaming at her to _do something._ Sokka showing up, breaking into her prison cell…that had been about as _right_ as moments got. 

“So we think the bomb bay is controlled by these buttons, but… What?” Sokka asked, realizing his audience did not seem especially attentive, at least not regarding the subject of flight operations.

Suki looked around and, seeing that no one was paying attention to them, leaned forward to press her mouth to Sokka’s. He responded immediately, as enthusiastic about this as he’d been about explaining to her the inner-workings of the airship. He brushed his lips against hers again and again, and everything started going soft and fuzzy: her fingertips, the edges of her thoughts, the flow of time itself.

“What was that for?” Sokka asked when she pulled back.

She smiled up at him and shrugged, a small tilt of her shoulder.

“I don't know. Just because.” Imagine, getting to kiss the boy she liked because she wanted to. Because she could.

Sokka grinned at her.

“Works for me,” he said, before leaning down to kiss her again. “So…did you hear anything I just said about the controls?”

“No,” she laughed, slipping an arm around his waist. He tucked her shoulders under the crook of his elbow. “Start again from venting the ballasts.”

He obliged, and Suki found herself lulled by the sound of his voice. It was easy — bolstered as she was by the success of their escape and their imminent reunion with the Avatar, by Sokka’s confidence piloting the ship and the vibrance of his body next to hers — to believe the end of the war was near. And for the first time in a long time, Suki thought of the other Kyoshi Warriors and felt hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And, for today's history lesson... The title of this chapter was taken from the [Rejected Princesses entry on Takeko Nakano ](https://www.rejectedprincesses.com/princesses/takeko-nakano), who is the same warrior whose death poem inspired the title of the entire fic. Takeko's story is badass, but sad and also pretty gory, so I won't describe it here, but the last line on the Rejected Princesses story refences the fact that Takeko's naginata is still on display at a temple as "a tribute to those who refuse to go quietly."
> 
> (Neat fact, Sutematsu Oyama, after whom the previous chapter was named, was present at the Battle of Aizu, which is where Takeko Nakano ultimately gave her life.) 
> 
> As far as the story that Chie tells Ran about the man who thought there was a snake in his wine, I was looking up Japanese and Chinese fables, and this one came up as a story connected to the Chinese idiom "mistaking the reflection of a bow in the cup for a snake" (杯弓蛇影) which is used to describe people who are very suspicious.


	5. my love shall be engraved with my name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And finally, the chapter that [@msartsyace](https://msartsyace.tumblr.com/) brought to life with her [drawing for the ATLA Big Bang](https://msartsyace.tumblr.com/post/633237833236283392/a-moment-of-peace)! She focused on a soft moment between Sokka and Suki, and I adore just how vivid and sweet this piece is. Go show her some love on tumblr!
> 
> It's finished, y'all! I hope you've enjoyed this exploration into Suki's character as well as this interpretation of her between-the-scenes events from the series. This story stretched and challenged me in so many ways, and it's been a joy sharing it with you all. I'd love to know what you think, if there's anything you were hoping to see that I didn't touch on, and/or if you have other interpretations of what happened during Suki's off-screen moments! ([Find me on tumblr!](https://the-power-of-stuff.tumblr.com/)) I've already got some ideas for one-shots that fit in this universe but that didn't make sense with this story's theme, so who knows, this may become a bit of a series.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Sokka asked from the doorway of Suki’s room. 

She was pacing. Again. It was about all she did anymore. Between eating and sleeping, she paced. And honestly, she wasn’t even sleeping that much. The war was, unofficially, over — Ozai had been defeated, the ambush on the Earth Kingdom halted, and for days, Zuko had been dealing with what Sokka had called “a bunch of political mumbo-jumbo” to establish his legitimacy and garner an actual surrender from the Fire Nation’s military. She understood that these things took time. One couldn’t simply…strip power from the sitting monarch, ascend to the throne, and put a full-stop on a century-long worldwide conflict overnight. But while Zuko had been playing nice with all the generals, advisers, and fire sages who were, for all intents and purposes, still loyal to his father, Suki’s warriors were stuck languishing in prison. She’d thought her time at Boiling Rock had taught her patience, but this past week had severely tested this new skill.

Sokka had offered to distract her once with some light sparring, but his leg was still healing and he was walking with a crutch and thus, despite his best intentions, in no condition to fight. He’d also tried to distract her once with some heavy kissing, but she’d been so overwhelmed with guilt that she couldn’t let herself get swept away in it like she normally would. It was one thing to indulge in a makeout session (or two, or ten) while the war was still going on and it had felt like their relationship had a fast-approaching expiration date, when there was nothing she could do for her girls besides help Aang defeat Ozai as best as she could and bring an end to the war. It was another thing entirely to be in the same city as them, war effectively over, staying in the Fire Nation _palace_ , for crying out loud, while the other Kyoshi Warriors shared a prison with the disgraced former Fire Lord, or Phoenix King, or whatever it was he was calling himself.

Now, finally, all war prisoners were being released. At least, Zuko had managed to pass through a mass pardon on much of what the Fire Nation had previously considered to be war crimes. The logistics of the release were more complex than that, but at least for everyone being held at the Capital City Prison, an orderly release was being conducted in just a couple hours, and Suki was crawling out of her skin counting down the minutes.

“No,” Suki said, wringing her hands. Then, belatedly, “Thank you.”

Thinking of how she and the other warriors had fought about her leadership and her feelings for Sokka not long before their separation was the main reason guilt had set up such restless residence in her gut over the past week. That, and the fact that she’d been free. Showing up to greet the girls on the first day of their freedom, with the boy she’d fought with them about, with whom she’d been enjoying her own freedom while they had remained trapped… She started gnawing on her thumbnail.

Sokka hobbled into her room and took a seat on the bed.

“Come here,” he said, patting a spot on the mattress next to his hip.

Suki’s hand dropped while she regarded him. 

“I don’t want to make out, Sokka,” she said, voice utterly despondent.

“I know you don’t,” he replied, not sounding even a little put out by her refusal. “I just want to…hold on to you. If that’s okay?”

Suki bit her lip for a moment, but then she crossed to the bed and sat by Sokka’s side. She leaned into him, and he wrapped his arms around her. Then he lowered his face to hers, and she stiffened — she’d _just_ told him she didn’t want to kiss — but then she scolded herself, which it felt like she was doing a lot lately. She had just told him, and he’d said he understood. _Have a little faith._

Instead of kissing her, he pressed his face against her cheek and inhaled through his nose, heavy and deep. He did the same to her other cheek, and it made her giggle, but there was still something soothing about the gesture — having him so close, but with no demands, no expectations…just his warmth, and the intimate knowledge that he was breathing her in.

He pulled away — not far, just enough to look in her eyes — and said, with the faintest hint of a smile on his lips, “You should try it.”

“The sniffing?” she asked, disbelieving.

“Yeah! Get in here!”

Feeling a little silly, she touched her face to the side of his, finding she had to tamp down some instinct to kiss his cheek. And then she breathed. His skin came right up against her nostrils, and she huffed out a laugh at the sensation, but then she tried again, and she could _smell_ him, like _really_ smell him. Not like smelling his sweat after a fight, or that musty odor after he hadn’t bathed in a few days, but something much more subtle and intrinsic, the underlying scent of just…skin. His skin. Earthy-sweet, like tea with milk, or salted plums. And with a long sigh, she fell forward the rest of the way into his arms.

Sokka settled her. She didn’t know how, when he was often so frantic with energy himself, but he did. And she was starting to think she was probably in love with him. It was hard to be certain, given the intensity of the past several days — heck, the past several months. It was a little hard to trust her own emotions in this moment. She was still so often plagued by the thought of losing him, by the memory of her body seizing up when she’d come so close to losing him forever. 

Falling…was nothing like it was in her dreams, and nothing like that dropping sensation that sometimes accompanied drifting off to sleep. In her dreams, there was an almost freeing feeling of being suspended in midair, like floating in a dense liquid, followed by a terrifying loss of control and an acute awareness of the impending plunge. But during the final battle, when the Fire Nation airship had split in two with Suki on one side and Sokka and Toph on the other, for a moment, she had been completely numb. She hadn’t been scared, or exhilarated. She hadn’t even been able to tell if she was falling or if the second airship below her was rising. And when she made impact with a solid surface, she’d had no recollection of consciously performing the roll that landed her safely. In her mind, she’d seen herself jumping, tucking, slamming her hands onto the airship’s hull, but it had been like watching someone else’s memory. 

Only after she had settled, after she had called out to Sokka to keep going, had she become aware of her hammering pulse, pounding violently against her ribcage and in the hollow of her throat, impossibly fast. Only when she’d tried to stand had it become clear her entire body was shaking. A wave lurched through her — almost like dizziness without the nausea — and she took a knee to compose herself. _Breathe. Just breathe._ The airship was trembling beneath her, but it was still airborne, and she had survived, but she needed to figure out a way to _keep_ surviving. There’d been no time for sweaty palms or that pressure that was threatening behind her eyes. 

That was why, she figured, she broke down into shuddering sobs the second she felt Sokka’s arms around her again, after she’d crash-rescued him and Toph from where they’d been dangling off of the other ship. 

“Thank goodness,” was all she could say, over and over again into Sokka’s neck. One of her hands was clenched in the back of his tunic, the other clamped fiercely onto Toph’s shoulder. Toph ended up sandwiched between her and Sokka, shifting restlessly as Suki clung, and clung, and clung, until her breath stopped spasming. She hadn’t let herself think, until she’d been holding them, what it would’ve been like to lose them, and once she’d had them, she couldn’t stop thinking about it. 

But she had him now, sitting together on the edge of her bed while he rubbed circles on her back. Suki pulled back to look at Sokka’s face.

“What was that?” she asked, thinking he probably hadn’t spontaneously decided to sniff her face out of nowhere. 

“It’s a…like a greeting, from back home. Gran-Gran used to do it to me when I was spazzing out about something. She would just…grab me and, y’know, partly it was the abruptness of it, that would just sort of shock me out of whatever I was doing, but it was also pretty calming. So…”

“Oh, so I’m spazzing out?” she asked, raising her eyebrow.

He grinned at her. The grin she’d been thinking about since the day they’d met. Back then, she’d thought it was cocky. Now she realized it meant he was pleased — pleased with himself sometimes, yes, but in this case, he was pleased with her, and she couldn’t help but smile back. 

“Nothing wrong with a good spazz-out,” he said, with the weight of intellectual certainty. Then he added, “You know what else I do when I’m anxious?”

“What?” she said, crossing her arms and preparing for something outlandish to come out of his mouth.

“Eat.”

“Oh, Sokka, I couldn’t—”

“ _You_ don’t have to eat anything, but all this pacey business is making me antsy. Let’s go raid the kitchens. You can carve a rut into the floor there while I pig out.”

He stood and pulled her to her feet while she laughed. And it was clear to her all of a sudden why he made her calmer. He just let her… _be_. And when he put his arm around her while they walked — ostensibly to take the weight off his injured leg, but really because it was just what he always did — she thought to herself that yeah…probably, almost definitely, didn’t even know why she was questioning it, she was in love.

* * *

The curved outcropping of the caldera that bordered Capital City Prison was more imposing than the prison itself, Suki thought, but the overall effect was haunting, the towering structure appearing as if emerging magically from the volcanic wall. She’d been escorted to the base of a sharply winding path that led up to the prison’s entrance and was told to go no further while the guards continued on to retrieve the next group of newly-freed ex-prisoners. As soon as the structure was in her sights, her throat had seized up, the memory of Boiling Rock like icy claws around her neck, and she knew, even if the guards had allowed her to follow them, she would have been frozen to the spot anyway. 

She closed her eyes while she waited, trying to ground herself back in her current reality. For a moment, all she could smell was sulfur, and she was back in that volcanic lake, choking on the oppressive heat. But she forced a deep breath in, and then out, in, then out, and she could feel a breeze on her face. Boiling Rock never had a breeze. She could hear the call of a hawk in the distance, the skittering of a lizard over the craggy ground. Boiling Rock had no wildlife. Then she heard her name, and her eyes flew open, and she saw a group of young women approaching her at high speed. 

“Suki!!”

Suddenly Suki was holding an armful of Mana. Then there were four distinct thuds as each of the other warriors collided into them, forming a pile of tightly-wound limbs and boundless exuberance. They stayed like that, fastened tightly to each other, until Suki coughed. 

“Okay,” she squeaked. “I can’t breathe!”

They untangled, and Suki reveled in all of their faces, lingering on each one for a few moments as she took in the group in front of her. And then she saw, hovering nearby, two other girls: one tall and dark-haired and brooding, the other bright and bouncy with a long braid… Rage ignited in her immediately.

“You—!”

The two girls’ eyes widened, but there were at least three pairs of hands holding Suki in place.

“No, Suki, it’s okay!” Mana was saying. “They’re our friends now!”

“What?” It was nearly a shriek.

She remembered, now, how the dark-haired girl — Mai, Zuko’s girlfriend…or…ex-girlfriend, now? — had helped them escape the Boiling Rock. It made sense that she would’ve ended up in prison. But the other girl?

“Ty Lee attacked the Fire Nation Princess to save Mai’s life,” Mio answered Suki’s unvoiced question. “We’ve had…a lot of time to mend bridges. She’s even taught us how to do that chi blocking move she does!”

“In fact, we thought…” Kei began hesitantly, “that she would make a good addition to the Kyoshi Warriors.”

Suki stared at Ty Lee, who was looking straight at Suki with an impossibly large smile on her cherubically round face. Every muscle in her body was screaming, _“No!”_ but…if all the other girls trusted her, why shouldn’t she? A lot had changed over the past several months. Even _Zuko_ was one of her friends now. 

“Well, if…if you all agree—” 

“Oh, yay!” Ty Lee cheered, throwing herself into Suki’s arms. “This is going to be so much fun! I can’t wait to teach you chi blocking, Suki! Then you’ll really be unstoppable!”

“Could we get a move on?” Mai spoke up for the first time, sounding somehow both eager and droll. “This place is disgustingly dank, and I smell like a hippo cow that’s been sleeping in its own filth.”

The group started down the path to the palace square, where there were rooms for everyone to get cleaned up and changed, and where they could rest for the night before Zuko’s coronation the next day. As they walked, Mio skipped over to Suki’s side and grinned at her. 

“So, Suki…where’s Sokka?” _Sokka_ , Suki thought. Not _Sohka_ or _Kyoshi Boy_. “We kinda thought he’d be with you.”

“Oh?” Suki asked, trying to stay nonchalant. It wasn’t clear just from the question itself where this inquiry was headed. “Why’s that?”

“Well, we heard he was the reason you escaped the Boiling Rock,” Kei offered.

“More like Suki was the reason Sokka escaped, the way she took down Mai’s uncle!” Ran corrected. There was a teasing note in her voice, but she seemed…proud.

“It sounded really romantic, the way Mai and Ty Lee told it,” Mana said, wistful. “We thought for sure you’d be together after that. Like, _together_ together.”

“I hope you at least got to make out afterwards!” Ran cackled. 

And then, inexplicably, all of a sudden, tears were welling up in Suki’s eyes. She blinked them away quickly.

“I thought…I thought you’d all be so mad!”

“Suki…” Mana’s voice dipped downwards as she drew out Suki’s name. “Why would we be mad?”

“I got you all captured!”

“How did you get us captured?”

“Because…because I dragged you all to that stupid forest!”

“But if you hadn’t brought us there, we never would have found the Avatar’s bison.”

“And then I got out! I was free, and you weren’t! You were all still locked up here and I was free to lie on the beach and make out with my boyfriend and—”

“So you _did_ make out with him!” Ran interrupted

“Yes!” Suki burst out, somewhere between a laugh and a sob, feeling a little hysterical. “Yes, of course I made out with him! Have you _seen_ him?”

The other girls laughed, and then it was like a pipe had burst: tears were streaming down Suki’s face, but she was happy — so ebulliently happy in a way she couldn’t remember being in a long time. 

Once they were back at the palace, the girls were led to their quarters so they could wash up and change into clean garments to sleep in, their regular clothes having been handed off to palace staff to be laundered. And although there were enough rooms for them to sleep separately, once everyone had bathed, they all ended up in the same room anyway. Suki felt contentment settle over her like soft muslin, listening to the familiar chatter all around her. On the large, plush bed in the center of the room, Mana sat behind Ty Lee, combing the other girl’s long hair and offering unsolicited input about hairstyles, which Ty Lee accepted graciously. Most of the other girls were lounging on the floor, and every once in a while, Ran would say something that earned her a pillow in the face from Mio or Kei. Ran, for her part, was resting smugly on her ever-growing mountain of pillows and refusing to give any back, except for the one she’d allowed Chie to have because the other warrior wanted to study the pattern of the embroidery that was stitched into the silk. 

Suddenly, there was a high-pitched screech from somewhere outside the room’s open window, and the girls all turned their heads and watched as a messenger hawk flew into the room, alighting gracefully on the arm of the chair Suki occupied. With a knowing smirk, Suki extracted a letter from the case on the bird’s back and unfurled the scroll. After scanning over Sokka’s messy scrawl, she read aloud, 

“Dear Suki, did everything go alright? From, Sokka.”

A chorus of “aww”s rippled across the room. Mio asked, “Why didn’t he come check for himself?” But while the gesture of sending a messenger hawk might have looked silly and excessive to anyone else, the fact that Sokka hadn’t come by in person made Suki feel kind of gooey inside. He was thinking about her, was probably worried about her given how on edge she’d been lately, and although he wanted her to know that he cared, at the same time, he didn’t want to intrude. Suki bit her lip and resisted hugging the letter to her chest.

“Is there a brush and ink anywhere around here?” she asked, and Mai pointed to a desk in the corner of the room. 

The hawk followed her as she made her way to the table, where she wrote back a brief message: “Dear Sokka, everything’s going great. Thank you for checking on me. I can’t wait to see you in the morning.” And then, feeling bold, she signed the letter, “Love, Suki,” and entrusted the parchment to the patiently-waiting raptor. 

Once the bird had flown back out the window, Suki rejoined the rest of the girls, resolutely ignoring anyone who tried to point out the stupid grin she knew was overtaking her entire face. Mai, sprawled indulgently on a settee arranged catty-corner from the bed, seemed like the safest bet at the moment to avoid incessant teasing. When Suki joined her, though, she found herself squirming a bit at the other girl’s stony silence. 

“So,” she said, attempting to break the ice. “You and Zuko… Are you two still, y’know…together?”

Mai’s face went soft for a moment, and then she scowled slightly. Not malevolently, though. It was more a look of contemplation.

“Well, I still love the idiot. I don’t know if that means we’re together, though.”

“Why don’t you go see him tonight and talk to him about it?” 

It would have killed Suki, waiting to confront the issue the way Mai was doing. But Mai simply shrugged. Suki wasn’t sure how much of Mai’s nonchalance was genuine and how much of it was armor, but if she had to guess, she’d wager that it was mostly the latter.

“I’m sure he’s busy, agonizing about the coronation tomorrow. He doesn’t need my drama.” Before Suki could say, _“Maybe seeing you would help,”_ Mai added, “Besides. It feels more important to be here right now.” 

Suki followed Mai’s gaze to where Mana was working Ty Lee’s hair into a braid. Mio and Ran were now all-out wrestling over the last of the pillows that had yet to make it to Ran’s towering pile, Mio shrieking, “Don’t make me chi block you!” and Ran shouting back, “I’d like to see you try!” in between howls of breathless laughter, while Ty Lee half-heartedly scolded them from her perch on the bed. Chie was gallantly trying to offer a clueless Mio her own pillow, unwittingly ignoring Kei’s attempt to pull her away from the madness and into a card game. And Suki smiled. And smiled and smiled. The smile was _at least_ as stupid as the one she’d had after writing that note to Sokka, if not moreso. 

“Yeah,” she said to Mai, feeling warm and silly. “I get that.”

Then, as soon as Mana finished tying off the end of Ty Lee’s braid, Suki jumped to her feet.

“Okay, Ty Lee! Show me some chi blocking!”

Some of the other girls groaned.

“C’mon, Suki, we’re _relaxing_ ,” Mio protested from where she had Ran in a wrist lock.

“But everyone else knows how!” Suki pleaded petulantly.

“Not me,” piped up Mai, for no other reason, Suki thought, than to be pedantic. Suki pursed her lips in Mai’s direction and then turned back to the rest of the room.

“All the other Kyoshi Warriors know how!” she corrected, with the same petulant tone.

“Okay, Suki, but I’m only gonna show you the technique. No actual chi blocking, alright?” Ty Lee offered. “It won’t be any fun if you spend the rest of the night as just a…floppy lump on the floor.”

The other girls made space for them, and Ty Lee began explaining to Suki about pressure points and chi paths and the right way to position her hands so she didn’t break her fingers. 

“And it blocks bending, too?” Suki asked, practicing a few jabs in the air with just the first knuckle of her index finger. 

“Right! It can be a bit tricky, getting close enough to a bender to use this against them, but it helps if you have the element of surprise. Which shouldn’t be hard at all for someone trained in stealth like you!”

Ty Lee corrected her form — “Here, hold your knuckles closer together” — and showed her a few variations — “For certain parts of the body, you can use your fingertips like this” — and Suki was exhilarated. She spent so much of her time nowadays teaching others, she’d forgotten how exciting it was to be taught. And it reminded her that she would always have so much to learn. 

When they’d gotten as far as they could without actually incapacitating each other, Suki flopped onto the floor next to Ran. 

“Give me one of these,” she demanded softly, tugging one of the pillows from behind Ran’s head. Apparently it had been a load-bearing pillow, since Ran listed sideways as soon as it was gone. Her head landed on Suki’s shoulder, and she made no effort to get up again.

“So, after this coronation thing tomorrow…we’re going home, right?”

To Suki’s surprise, the question threw her a bit. She hadn’t thought any further than this moment. She’d been so preoccupied with reuniting with the other girls, she hadn’t allowed herself to plan for what came after. But…they’d done what they’d set out to do, hadn’t they? Fulfilled the mission? The war was over. And the girls had been through so much. They deserved to be with their families and loved ones again. They deserved to be home. 

“I can’t _wait_ to see Kyoshi Island!” said Ty Lee. “The girls have said so many wonderful things about it.”

“Oh, Ty Lee, when we get there, it’ll be _chestnut season_ ,” Mana said, pulling Ty Lee to the floor across from Suki and Ran.

“ _I_ can’t wait to eat roasted sweet potato again,” Mio proclaimed, settling down on Suki’s other side and leaning her head on Suki’s other shoulder, without the pretense of a stolen load-bearing pillow. 

The rest of the girls gathered around to reminisce about autumn on Kyoshi Island: Kei, with Ran’s feet in her lap and her arm draped over Chie’s shoulder, praising the beauty of the island’s bright red foliage; Chie, discussing the solemnity of the village’s traditional equinox memorials; Ty Lee, leaning shoulder-to-shoulder against Mai, listening effusively. Suki wondered briefly if Ty Lee and Mai would miss each other. And then she remembered, with the help of Ran’s elbow in her ribs, that she hadn’t answered the other warrior’s question.

Honestly, thinking about leaving, of saying goodbye to Sokka again now that they’d finally grown so close, without knowing when they would see each other again? It made Suki’s throat tighten. But the thought of _not_ returning to Kyoshi Island with the other warriors was worse. They’d been away long enough. And…she and Sokka had all the time in the world now. As painful as parting would be, she had to believe they would work something out. Their paths managed to keep crossing even when they weren’t trying. That couldn’t all be for nothing. She wouldn’t let it be for nothing. 

“Yeah,” Suki finally said, and felt Mio squeeze her hand. “We’re going home.”

After that, she had no idea what was next. But, as their leader, she would help them all figure it out together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's title comes from Ohori Tsuruhime ( _tsuruhime_ means "crane princess," which I think is rather lovely), who was both a warrior and a priest! She's even been compared to Joan of Arc. 
> 
> Tsuruhime perished rather dramatically after her fiancé was killed, and her last words (according to the Wikipedia article about her) were: "As Mishima's ocean as my witness, my love shall be engraved with my name."
> 
> Also! The scene where Sokka and Suki are sniffing each other's faces? I got that from the explanation of what an "Eskimo kiss" actually is. Rather than the sort of Hollywood pop-culture version of gently rubbing noses together, the Inuit gesture - called a _kunik_ \- involves pressing your nose and upper lip to another person's skin and breathing in that person's scent. And this gesture is typically done between family members or close friends, or sometimes only between mothers and children, and is not considered an alternative to romantic kissing. There's [a really sweet video on YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TNY-n8RA3I) that I used for reference.


End file.
